My new friend, aka future fuckbuddy asked me what I do for a living. I told her, I write books. She asked me if I had gotten anything published yet. I told her: EXCUSE ME? DID I SAY I WAS A PUBLISHER? She laughed, for some reason... Good enough of an Antichri... Antijoke.

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What has four wheels and flies? A pile of poop that's on four wheels.

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Rose are Red Violets are blue I have 5 fingers The middle one is for you.

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women's rights.

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Just want to know where I will be dipping my... MANFLESH!

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Why did Mike Tyson say he would eat his children? Thats mean! friendly r*pist neighbourhood Moral Man: Why not just vi0late them REALLY REALLY FUCKlNG HARD! Its a Win/Win/Win/Sore ass situation.

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What did the smoker say when he coughed? Ohhh dam it's turned into a smokers cough

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Why didn't the chicken not get across the road? Cause it's head got shot off by some drunk asshole

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What did the tree say to the plant. Nothing tree's cant talk.

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What's green and brown, and if it fell out of a tree on you it would kill you? A billiard table?

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A blonde just got a call from her boyfriend. He said i'll meet you at your house, so the blonde drove home, excited. Once the blonde got home her boyfriend was having sex with another girl. The blonde burst into tears and pulled out her gun then stuck it to her head. " No dont do it!" her boyfriend said!...... the blonde, not knowing what to do next said, " Shut up you cheater you're next!"

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all these jokes are horrible now

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to its dying chicks who were just run over.

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What did God tell Moses to deliver to the Hebrews? Nothing, God doesn't exist.

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When I find out where you live I'm going to burn down your house, kill your family, and while your crying in you demise I am going to slit your throat.

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Why was Jerry Sanduski at K-Mart? He heard boys pants were half off!

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What happened at the 21 year old's birthday? She tried alcohol for the first time. She partied. She danced, She's dead. Open case.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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What did the gay man die of? Obesity.

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What did the monkey say to the garbage collector? Eiiiiijajajaajaja

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I saw Scarface uncut last weekend. It was called Face

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There are 2 muffins sitting in an oven. One muffin says "Damn, it's getting hot in here." The other muffing replies "Holy Shit! A Talking Muffin!"

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A rapist and a little child walk through a dark forest. The little child says: "It's scary here." Rapist answers: "Tell me about, I gotta go back alone through here."

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Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed. Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint. "Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister. "Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over." The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church. "That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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