Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calender? They each got six months.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Nobody knows, it's impossible to determine the motivations of an animal that is incapable of speech.

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Q: What do you call a person up to their elbows in a horse's ass? A: An Amish auto mechanic. (this gem brought to you by Designated Dale)

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Milkman. Milkman who? I've been coming here for 14 years and you don't even know my name? I helped take your mother to the hospital for crying out loud! I held you in my arms as a baby! And you don't even have the decency to remember MY NAME?! I'm sorry I don't live in a house that allows milk and other groceries to be delivered, I'm sorry that I wasn't born into a nice family with a nice home! I'm sorry that I have had to come here EVERY WEEK FOR FOURTEEN YEARS and you can't even remember my NAME! My name! I left my family for christmas one year to go pick up that elmo doll for you when you were a kid! I saved you from that burning treehouse! I helped you with you're 3rd grade science fair project and you won! YOU WON! We took a picture together that i have kept in my wallet. And i proudly say here's me and timmy. ME AND TIMMY! TIMMY! But no...you don't need to know my name. Well good day sir. You shan't see me again.

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What's did the white man say to the black man? Howdy.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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im a barbie girl in a barbie world !!!! no your not its not phisicly possible for a plastic doll to have any form of feelings !!!!!

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Once upon a time, a handsome prince met a beautiful princess. They both fell in love with each other. They then got married and lived happily ever after.

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Patient: Doctor Doctor! Every Time I Drink Some Tea, My Eye Is Really Sore! Doctor: Next Time Take The Spoon Out...

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How Do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open the door put the elephant in and close the door. How do you put a giraffe in a fridge? Open the door take the elephant out put the giraffe in and close the door. The lion king has a meeting with all the animals but one doesn't turn up, which one is it? The giraffe because it's still in the fridge.

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Why was the butcher bald? He was undergoing intensive chemotherapy.

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How do you get a clown off a swing? You kill him with an axe

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A father and son get into a car crash. They go to the hospital and both the father and son are unconsciuos. The doctor comes in to the son's room and says, "I can't operate on this boy, he is my son. How could this happen if the dad is knocked out? It was a gay couple.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because the farmer let him out, and he found a road to cross!

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That awkward moment when the moment is awkward.

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A man walks into a movie theater.and attempts to parate a film. He is then caught by employees of the theater and now faces fines and possible jail time for his actions.

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You: That was awful. Me: You know what else is awful? You: What? Me: This joke.

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A man walks in to a bar, so he got hurt.

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A man was driving in his BMW one day when a mini passed him out on the fast lane. The BMW driver thought 'i can't have that!' so he sped up and overtook the mini. Unfortunately he wasn't paying attention and he drove into the back of a school bus. Ironically the bus contained the mini driver's 3 daughters, he was driving so fast because they had forgotten to bring their lunch and he was trying to catch up with the bus so he could give them their sandwiches. There were no survivors of the crash, except for the mini driver.

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What do you call a white man? A caucasian male.

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Knock-Knock Whos there? You're about to get shell shocked...

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Christianity is not a religion; it's a relationship with God.

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*Guy and Jar of Chunky Peanut Butter* Guy; "Hey you're chunky" Peanut Butter; "I know"

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Q: Why are Dino-Nuggets so good? A: Because they are nuggets in the shape of dinosaurs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops