How do you confuse a blonde? Beat her with a spatula while in a mankini with a dildo up your ass!

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Two peanuts were walking down the street..........pepper.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Anything you like, he's blind.

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You know that feeling you get when you see your crush walking towards you? No, I'm blind.

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Obama

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Why did the man yell? Cause he wanted to!

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If there's something strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call? The Police.

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One,two,skip a few... five,six,seven,eight...(and so on ad infinitum)

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Blonde: Where's the ice? Asian: In the freezer.

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Why was Sally in a wheelchair? Her abusive father beat her repeatedly with a rake.. Then as she crawled out the door to try and get help, the abusive father took his Dodge Ram and ran over her legs reapeatedly. Then began to slap her. Luckily, a vigilante saw the whole thing and slaughtered the father with an axe and carefully escorted Sally to the hospital. After a couple of weeks of beautiful and extraordinary care, Sally made a full recovery and was able to leave.. and all patients have to leave in a wheelchair

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Why is motorboating so much fun? Because they are unmatched for their speed and agility in the water.

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Why did the little girl die Because she was kidnapped by a rapist, and defiled repeatedly, and then to get a ransom from her family the kidnapper slowly pulled out her fingernails and toenails, and sent them to the family the same thing happened with her fingers, toes, hands, feet, arms, legs, teeth, tounge, hair, and eyes, then she died of blood loss after nearly 2 months of torture.

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Easy, you get a phone with a recorder that rather than playing a "please leave a message after the tone", plays the same tune as if the phone was still not picked up. Now tell me here and now, because I wont waste more time on you, what part did you play in this? Jenny Chatterton? Another one of your pseudonyms? What the fuck did you think would happen? You live in the Uk, london, so, tell me everything, or I will share every single detail here.

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There is a blonde, a redhead, and a brunnette stuck on a deserted island. the redhead gets sick of being trapped, so she decides to risk the 100 miles back to shore. she begins swimming, gets 10 miles out, gets tired, and drowns. the brunnette gets sick of being trapped, so she decides to risk it too. she gets 50 miles, gets tired, and drowns. The blonde decides to escape as well. she is able to swim 98 miles, gets tired, and swims back.

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Why were there a series of riots in london? The police shot and killed a man who was threatening them and thus caused his friends to get angry and caused other people to lose control.

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Whats The difference between a baby and a watermelon? One is fun to smash And one is a watermelon

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What did the giraffe say to the human? Nothing, but it was trying to alert the human of an oncoming bus.

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How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? None they're dead

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Q: How Do you make a baby be quiet? A: slowly chop it's head off with a blunted axe once it's head is off eat it

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What do 69 and 420 have in common? That was my score on my Math final:(

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A Muslim man gets onto a transatlantic airliner. All the other passengers are privately nervous, but no one mentions it.

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Whats black, white, and red all over? Hot sauce on a checkerboard.

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how do you make a baby cry? put a nail through its foot

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Whats 10-5(45+76)? please help my homework is due next class and i am currently to busy worrying about my dad's cancer to think about this problem.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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