What do blueberries, oranges, watermelons, doors, curtains, backpacks, spoons, asian men, bicycles, asian men on bicycles, shrimp, books, eagles, dinosaurs, watermelons wearing backpacks filled with shrimp and orange spoons, feet, limes, binders, paper, candles, chicken nuggets, tvs, chairs, floors, refridgerators, and humidifiers have in common? Barnes and Noble

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Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

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Why is it not safe for turkeys to do maths? Because they don't have the mental capacity to carry out the calculations correctly, which would be a danger in jobs such as engineering or the space industry. Furthermore, they are unable to understand the concept of numbers or symbols and therefore have no motivation to solve mathematical problems; and even if they did, they don't have the dexterity or education to write out the solutions.

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Once i was walking down the street when i saw a homeless man As i leant to give him money he jumped up and stabbed me. Now i don't approach drunk strangers with hangovers

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What's the difference between a pessimist and a magnet? One is made of flesh and can talk, think and do things. The other is made of metal and can only pull things towards itself or push them away. But strangely, the latter is a lot more welcome in most situations.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Ryan. Ryan who? Ryan Seacrest.

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Antijokes?! More like Antijakes!!!

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what's the difference between a dolphin and a ghost? dolphins aren't ghosts!!

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A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender serves the duck the beer. Later, the bartender wonders to himself when his life got so out of control.

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How do you treat lice Avoid getting them

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How many fingers do most people have? 10

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There is a terrorist attack. Muslims are blamed for it.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Where's my tractor?"

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what would u di if u were having anal sex with a black guy and his dick was soooo bi that ir rippped ur asshole? staple it back together

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What is an anti joke? It's jokes about jews, blacks, and walking out of bars LIKE AN IRISHMAN

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what did I say to myself nothing because its very weird to talk to your self

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You know what happens when you assume right? Well, you make an educated guess based on prior knowledge to the circumstance at hand.

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why was the boy crying? cause an elephant tusked him up the ass

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Mum did you make my milkshake? No, I didn't son, but your father did. Fther's dead. I know.

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A priest a rapist and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink

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What does Chuck Norris order at a coffee shop? Coffee.

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How many finger does a normal person have? 8...and 2 thumbs!!

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Do you want to hear a racist joke? I hate black people...

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I used to get on Facebook, then someone asked me to save a child in Africa by liking a picture of Jesus or ignore it and go to hell

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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