Friends are like trees. If you hit them with an axe enough times, they'll fall over.

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i have to tell you a knock knock joke. but you have have to start it..

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Me and my wife set and watch the eleven o'clock news every night. My wife always thinks that she has the different disease that is mentioned each day. One night she was practically in tears telling me that she had the disease that was talked about that night. I looked at her and said "honey, there is no way that you have testicular cancer. You don't even have testiculars." The End

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A man is talking to his friend. The man suddenly picks up a banana. He says "hello anybody there?" The banana says "yes." After a while of conversing, the man suddenly puts the banana down in a sad type of way. The man then says to his friend "I'm sorry, but your sun has just died in horrible accident.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, sorry i gave you Herpes type 2.

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How many lemurs does it take to paint a wall It depends on how hard you throw them Why did Jane fall off the swing She has no arms Why did Jack drop his ice cream cone He got hit by a bus Did you know that if you pretend to eat salt you can actualy taste it Do this in public. Why was 6 afraid of 7 Numbers can't think This is the original anti joke A man walked into a bar he is an alcoholic and is distroying his family. Fin a penny pick it up and all the day you will have good luck Until you get hit with a car door. A man is SCUBA diving when he is almost out of air so he takes one breath an holds it to the surface The trip is so long that his lungs explode do to a change in pressure so he died.

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When I see the Viagra commercial telling you about all the side effects and they say "if you have an erection lasting for more than 4 hours, call a doctor." If I have an erection that lasts that long, I'm not calling a doctor. I'm calling my mom; who I always call when I'm sick.

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There is a blond and a burnette in a car. The blonde is driving. What a nice use of the carpool

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A guy asks, "Why was my mom in your bed?" The other guy replies, "Because your mom has a mental disease which inhibits her ability to process thought."

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What did Kim Kardashian say when she got a breast implant? DERP!

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What's funnier than a pile of dead babies? A pile of dead babies with a live one crawling out.

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Why did the Triceratops walk into a grocery store? To buy groceries

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Of course, first door on your left

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Why was the American patriot sad that Bin-Laden was killed? Because he wanted to take him back to America to touture him.

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OMG YOU BOUGHT ME FLOWERS THANK YOU

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a Polar bear in an Igloo.

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Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? No. You don't need to, it's quite inappropriate.

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What has a bomb straped to itself and has wheels? Me. I lied about the wheels.

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Knock knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the car? Get in the car.

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How did the failing slut get an A -she studied really hard

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Why did the man drive a van? So he could keep the stuff he stole.

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A blind 1st grader is doing math. He can't figure out a problem so he asks his mom to help, his mom then ask "Why don't you just count by your fingers?" the little boy then said "MOM! I'm blind I can't see!" his mom replys "then how do you see your homework?" the boys replys "I opened my eyes, now help me"

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Two muffins are put in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "is it just me or is it getting hot in here?". The other muffin says,"HOLY CRAP!!!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!".

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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