Q: How many teenagers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they just sit in the dark and complain about it.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Theres this black guy who goes to a gun shop and buys a .45 and then goes to get a permit and uses it responsibly....

thumb_up thumb_down +18

There once was a mountain climber. He loved to climb mountains. He had climbed all of the world's tallest peaks...except Mount Everest. So, one day he decides to climb Mount Everest. He takes weeks and weeks to prepare himself. He trains and trains three times a day till he thinks he is ready to climb Mount Everest. Climbing up it takes forever. It feels like it has been days in the dreary cold. Finally, he reaches the peak. It is a glorious occasion. On the way down, a huuuuge storm rolls in. He falls down a cliff and breaks both of his legs. The pain is unbearable. He screams and screams but no one hears him. Finally after what seems like days, a group of monks find him and carry him to their monastery. Chapter Two Once the man wakes up he thanks the monks for saving his life. They give him a room, food, and nice clothes. Every night in his room, he hears a banging behind his dresser. It is really loud and he is quite annoyed by it. The next morning he asked the head monk what the noise is. The head monk says " I cannot tell you, you aren't a monk." He hears the banging noise every night. HE asks the head monk every morning but he always says he cant tell him because he isn't a monk. So the climber decides to become a monk. After years and years of training to become a monk, he finally becomes one. Chapter Three So he says to the head monk, " I am a monk, so now can you tell me?" The head monk replies, " I can't tell you, but i can help show you. So he pushes the drawer back and reveals a little door, He gives the man a lantern and says to go through it. The man goes through the door into a little, dark tunnel, eager to finally find out what the noise was. He crawls for what seems like hours and hours and hours and days and days and days and days. He finally gets to the door where the banging noise is and opens the door. What he sees amazes him. Do you want to know what the banging noise was? I cant tel you, you aren't a monk!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

You know what I'm thinking of right now? Eyebrows

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why don't women drive more? Because statistically the man offers to drive more frequently

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A gorilla walks into a bar and gets a banana martini. The bartender thinks that this is peculiar, and then he realizes he is dreaming. He wakes up and tells his wife about this ridiculous dream that he had. His wife ignores him, and the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes that his marriage is in shambles.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

My wife asked me to prepare our son for his first day of school. He's a ginger so I punched him in the face, and stole his lunch money.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How many Ringmasters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They tell the clowns to do it

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Three explorers are walking through the jungle when they are suddenly captured by a group of cannibals, the cannibals, going through years of culture and hereditary custom, kill the explorers, skin their bodies, chop them to pieces and cook their flesh, finally they eat it giving them a prosperous feast while the rest of the world is unaware of whatever happened in that jungle.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

haiku's are funny. but sometimes they don't make sense. refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? A. One's a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other's a highly trained professional skilled in the art of litigation.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A scholarship to a prestigious college that he did not deserve.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

your momma is so fat that she should be worried about her higher risk of heart disease, diabetes, and ugliness.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why couldn't the prostitute give a proper blow job..... She had no lips

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the fish fly It didn't

thumb_up thumb_down +16

I have suicidal thoughts

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you ask a blonde out to dinner? Politely

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did Jim not go to the park and play football with his Dad today? His dad got hit by a bus and lost his legs

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a mexican who works at a landscaping business? A hard working man who is trying to provide money for his family

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Roses are red Violets are blue Your dog pooped on my lawn Now my violets are even more blue

thumb_up thumb_down +16

I went to Nebraska and saw a dead squirrel

thumb_up thumb_down +16

whats the king of the forest, is the color brown and is red all over? A deer or someone's soon to be dinner.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you get when you stab a man in the leg with a knife? A court summons because you have committed a horrible crime

thumb_up thumb_down +16

-Bumper Sticker- Honk if you love Jesus. (Text while driving if you want to meet him)

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops