A rabbi and priest both go into a bar... and they each had a responsible number of drinks before walking home.

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Why was the truck making noises? It was backing up.

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knock knock! who's there? Jim Jim who? Jim Goldenbach

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Why didn't the octopus have any friends? Because they are antisocial creatures by nature. -Louis

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Q: What did the priest say to the small child. A: Rite?

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What did the little girl say after her dad hit her? Nothing. She was a month old and died instantly.

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Why couldn't the baby play with the blocks? It died during birth.

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what's 2 + 2 ? 4, unless you add it up wrong.

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Your momma so fat when she went to the beach she was to self concious and left her shirt on.

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Knock Knock Who's there??? Your mom

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what do you call a bomb in a plane? A dangerous threat to lives

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What did the Rose Bowl say to the Fiesta Bowl? We crushed the Orange Bowl.

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The opposing forces behind all human beings is not light vs darkness, not good vs evil, but fear vs ' love. Whatever is overwhelmingly good for one person, is evil to many. Overwhelming darkness wont allow you to see. Overwhelming light will make you blind. You can never fear overwhelming love. You can never love overwhelming fear. These are the true polar opposites, part of all emotion that drive the human being.

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What happens if you fell off a 600 foot cliff? You die.

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"what did the priest say to the rabbi?" "what" "my religions better

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What do you call a deer with one eye? Injured.

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Whats worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies. Whats worse than a pile of dead babies? A pile of dead babies with one alive at the bottom. Whats worse than a pile of dead babies with one alive at the bottom? It having to eat its way out. Whats worse than it having to eat its way out? It comes back for seconds.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

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Whats the difference between a lemon and an ant? They're both yellow except for the lemon.

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A man walks into a doctors office and waits for his turn. After his name was called he walked up to the doctor and told him that he kept having hallucinations. The doctor prescribed an antibiotic to help with the mans addiction to LSD.

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when Life gives you lemons, make lemonade. So i made some lemonade. Turns out the lemons Kawazaki Life gave me were poisoned and i shortly die afterwards. i wouldve died cursing out her name but she was cute so i forgave her in my mind. and thus i die in peace.

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I found a new way to be condescending... Thats when you talk down to people.

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You attend a school atop a hill in the middle of the town. A river flows east of the hill, under the bridge built for the highway that runs two miles behind the school. You mother leaves for work at 6:00 a.m., and your brother leaves at 9:00 a.m. Schools starts at 7:30 a.m., and you have to pick up a sandwich on the way, for lunch. Also, you forgot to do an assignment that's due today, and it'll take you at least thirty minutes to complete it. How do you get to school on time? You walk.

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Why did the tomato blush? A tomato's complexion is already red so it simply appears to be blushing

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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