A patient goes to the doctor. The doctor says I have bad news and even worse news. The patient says "What's the bad news?" The doctor says "You only have 24 hours to live." The patient says "Oh my gosh what could possibly be worse than that?!" The doctor says "Well...we've been trying to contact you since yesterday..."

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Why did Helen Kellers dog run away? It didn't. She did not own a dog.

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A man once had a monkey, and it made him very happy. then one day, his monkey ran away. So the man was very sad and screamed, "I knew i should have broken the monkey's legs!!"

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a man walks into a bar he suffer's bad injuries by Mad

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Q: What's multicoloured and spins around while screaming in agony? A: A clown in a washing machine.

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Why was the man hanging from a tree? He got the Death Penalty

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Did you hear about the 2 pretzels walking down the street? It's not true, pretzels are not capable of autonomous movement.

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Why did Bob drop his ice cream? Because he got hit with a super models TIttys

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What did the commentor say when he saw the "waht's worse than finding a worm in your apple...the holocaust." joke? I am offended to your cruel referance to worms.

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what do you call the head-less man sitting on your porch? By what ever his name is!!

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*Knock Knock* Who's there? It's Jeff. Hi there Jeff, come in, the doors open.

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Stare at the person nearest to you and say "sprinkles" with the straightest face possible.

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What is worse than Jerry Sanduski? Nothing

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What do cookies and Ruber have in common? Ones edible one is not

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why did the kid with no legs get eaten by wolves? he couldn't get away

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Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a gun.

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I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up here me shout: Absolutely nothing because I'm a teapot you maniacal psychopath.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead

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If Timmy has 2 apples and Sarah has 7 apples, what is the square root of the distance of Mars and Jupiter divided by the speed of light if X equals the value of negative infinity given the equation X(2) - E=MC/7?

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? No. Well neither has he.

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Why couldn't Lucy get her driver's license? Because she has Cerebral Palsy!

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a dog and a duck went out for a meal they both ordered lobster and enjoyed the night.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Boo Richard.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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