What did the clam say to the scuba diver? FUCK MAN! STOP TOUCHING MY JEWELS! WOULD YOU WANT ME TO JUST RIP YOURS AND TAKE THEM WITH ME!

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1 black guy jumped off a cliff at the same time as a white guy, who fell first? The one who weighed the most.

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why was the man at the tuna fish factory mad? because he was going through intense emotional trauma happening in his life because of problems with his wife and child.

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what do round tank toilets do? blow up CC

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What does a eagle and a bunny have in common.. nothing they're two different animals.

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A blind man walks into a bar----b wire

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Knock, Knock Who's There? An Orange No Seriously Who Are You?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know. Why did he? NO I LOST THE CHICKEN Later: Knock knock Who's there The chicken

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Cars were invented after her death, so she never had the opportunity to learn.

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What did Batman and Robin say when they were going to the Batmobile? To the Batmobile

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Dad always said that laughter was the best medicine. Maybe that's why he died of tuberculosis.

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A man walks into a bar and says ouch.

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what do you call white people running down a mountain? Avalanche What do you call black people running down a mountain? Jailbreak

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yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, 200 l.b.s

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Roses are red Violets are blue This doesn't rhyme F*ck it

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What's better than fornicating two 4 year old twins? Killing their parents in front of them before you do.

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Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling? Because he's rich...

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it died.

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What do you get when you cross a dead monkey, a chair fitted with wheels for use as a means of transport by a person, Isaac Newton & the creator of the website? Stephen Hawking.

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what did the little boy say to his mom? nothing his mother died in childbirth.

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It was okay, then Alice my friend and a nurse insisted (she can be a total bitch) I take a painkiller, of course that messed up my focus completely and threw off my hypnotic suggestion which I use to shut down the pain receptors. Ironically I cannot seem to shut off my allergy to dust. Oh, yeah it was the standard bullshit Mensa test, ten patterns or something, oh and while I am terrible at trivia, I am actually much smarter than a fifth grader, I mean one kid told me he was smarter because he could do math better than me and he could, so I choked the little bitch to death, who is the smartest one now?

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What do you call a homosexuall man? Homosexuall man.

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If a llama walks into a jewelry store and a carrot has no feathers, then why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It got hit by a car because chickens are simple creatures and don't understand the complex rules of the road.

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What time is it in China right now? I have no idea, it would depend on when you are reading this. Perhaps you should look at a world clock, watch, or some other sort of time-telling device rather than humorous website. Its purpose is not to tell time. However, there are many other places for this. Good luck surfing the web, friend. I have aided you the best that I can. I only hope that you will find what you are looking for.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops