- Anti Joke

A bartender walks up to a church and a synagogue

How did the weak old man with cancer beat it? He hung himself.

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Milkman. Milkman who? I've been coming here for 14 years and you don't even know my name? I helped take your mother to the hospital for crying out loud! I held you in my arms as a baby! And you don't even have the decency to remember MY NAME?! I'm sorry I don't live in a house that allows milk and other groceries to be delivered, I'm sorry that I wasn't born into a nice family with a nice home! I'm sorry that I have had to come here EVERY WEEK FOR FOURTEEN YEARS and you can't even remember my NAME! My name! I left my family for christmas one year to go pick up that elmo doll for you when you were a kid! I saved you from that burning treehouse! I helped you with you're 3rd grade science fair project and you won! YOU WON! We took a picture together that i have kept in my wallet. And i proudly say here's me and timmy. ME AND TIMMY! TIMMY! But no...you don't need to know my name. Well good day sir. You shan't see me again.

three friends are chilling one day and they all think they belong in Guinness book of world records the first guys says i believe i have the smallest arms in the world, the second guy says i believe i have the smallest nose in the world and the third guy says i hate to admit it but i believe i have the smallest dick in the world. So they all go down to Guinness book of world records inc. and the first guy comes out and says "YES I DO HAVE THE SMALLEST ARMS IN THE WORLD" the second guy comes out and says "YES I DO HAVE THE SMALLEST NOSE IN THE WORLD" the third guy comes out all depressed and mad and says "WHO THE HELL IS JUSTIN BIEBER"

Roses are red violet are blue i saw a machine and it was ps2

A man walks into a bar. As he walks in, numerous people turn their heads in awe. Is it... it can't be. It's Paul McCartney, the famous musician! "Oh - I'm not Paul McCartney". The man then said. "I just look a lot like him. Sorry." "Awww. That's a shame." said John Lennon, disappointed.

A: Knock Knock B: ...

what do you call cheese that's not yours? cheese that you stole.

How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

What happens when you catch a cold? You sneeze whenever you stand up.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a bomb that explodes in 3 seconds inside your apple.

How do you prank a blind man? Uou leave the plunger in the toilet.

If you are floating down main street in a canoe and your front right propeller falls off, how many pancakes can you fit in a doghouse? None, because ice cream doesn't have bones

Whats black and white and read all over? A dead magpie.

Why did the penis enter the vagina? They were trying for a baby

Okay "Mr. Your instructor" "Mr.Fucking hypocrite" You dirty asshole! First I will give you some Intel about what I know about you! Then I will tell you what to do! Do you remember when you plowed trough a woman and stole her car in order to sell it? Remember when you returned to her, discovered you had had left her pregnant and as such you had a fifteenth year old daughter now? Then how you began drugging your own daughter so she would turn parlor tricks or she would not get her drugs? But you had to try sell her to three guys for some hours to pay your cocaine abuse too! But that day a certain young man with a metal hand that cracked the wall with your skull and told your daughter he would take care of her until "you got better? " Yeah, that same guy you kept calling for "little crippled sunnuvabicht that keeps sounding like a fucking fortune cookie that is trying to be a messiah" Remember? Or have you already forgotten the man you work for today? Even then you called him a psychopath, a lunatic, a demented fool on a daily basis! I know, because I was a member too back then, but I quit not because I stopped trusting the man you serve and trashtalk, but because I could not stand people like you talking shit about him all day! Because I could not stand that the "fortune cookie sounding/paranoid" "cripple" knew that you treated him like shit behind his back, but believed you where still intelligent and an asset in order to help those in need! So I quit! Oh, but you did so well after he took your daughter away right? Yeah because your daughter begged "the cripple" that he help her daddy out! Yeah, "that fortune cookie talking guy" gave you half his uncle`s inheritance... Where did you think the money which suddenly appeared in your mailbox came from? Do you think it was out of malice that the same "cripple" came around a month later again bashed your skull and told you it was time to end your coke habit and take care of your family or he would break your spine? You sure went back to the women whose car you stole from, but your daughter was petrified of you! Oh, now, now "you where my instructor" a fucking billionaire with your own mansion and sailing boat! But did you recognize her? NO IT IS FAR HARDER TO RECOGNIZE YOUR OWN DAUGHTER WHEN SHE WAS NO LONGER THE TEEN YOU DRUGGED INTO BECOMING A STRIPPER AND THEN TRIED TO SELL, NOW THAT SHE HAS BECOME A UNIVERSITY BIOLOGY TEACHER WITH A MASTERS DEGREE RIGHT? Do you believe that a man whose only name we all know by is Nero is trying to become a fucking messiah? Does it seem like he cares if you idiots treat him like shit? You do know what Angelo Nero is right? Italian for Black Angel, you do know why he forbids people practicing religion in your goddamned little order right? Messiah wannabe? My ass! It is as he told me pigface, he does not want people to follow Gods or him, he wants people to think for themselves and succeed. Ill tell you what to do, first, you do not plan shit, because as soon as you act, if those terrorist will track you back, and kill you all SO YOU WAIT! Your "Oh so shameful I earn 98 percent more than my leader" You do not see to have had problems having your own fucking collection of Ferrari`s do you? Now you make sure Nero7 survives If he says aliens will come kill us all, he is right, if he says that the doctors treating him are spies trying to kill him, you better kill them, and if he tells you to that your daughter would be a much happier person if you took your life, he is right father. He gave me the "Alias" "Eliza" hoping you would recognize your daughters real name ELIZA you piece of shit! You apparently had no trouble remembering that name when you where moments away from selling me that fifteen year old girl to three pigs! If he dies, you wont need fear no terrorists "pimp daddy", because then I will kill you myself! I know where you are hiding, its cold there and I got even the coordinates, so if your last hope out there dies, I will sell those coordinates to them, the price? They all gangrape your ass! And kill you! And then you will regret everything! Screwing over your daughter, and letting the man that saved you and me die! Unless the next reply comes from a fully recovered Nero7 I will call you on my traceable phone, and tell them "Oh daddy lets share information about the orders last hiding place on horsehead network like we do" And if they are willing to take a peek, you better find something else to do, you wont, but I know of someone who can. So now you wait until the only man that has ever known what to do has recovered, AND DO WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE TO STOP THIS ALTOGETHER! YOU DO WHAT YOU ALL SHOULD HAVE DONE ALL ALONG! YOU LISTEN TO WHAT HE HAS TO SAY, AND YOU BETTER FUCKING DO EVERYTHING HE TELLS YOU ALL IF YOU WANT TO SURVIVE! Now that you know who I am, I hope in my heart that you have become a better man, and stop asking me shit, because if they can trace my reply, Nero7 would at least have succeeded to save your daughter and made sure she got educated well, but if I reply, and those terrorists find out, you will be the one that screwed over everything he did for me, for us, and get me killed. Make sure the only person I care about there survives daddy, and THE HELL IF I MEAN YOU!

Alright alright Tifa, you look totally different from your drawn identical twin. And yeah I could have been a bit more subtle, don't you worry, I have a special knack for SPAMMING COMMENTS INTO THE ABYSS! I mean sheesh you where pretty open about it earlier, and you said you did not give a damn about what random people thought... Moral: But yeah, I can do better than that, I just do not want to, no seriously, if you are going to go feeling ashamed, then I have failed you.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm an expert on flowers.

What is white and black and red all over.

Kitana vs Shao Kahn. Kitana: HIAHIAHIAHIA...etc Kahn: You weak pathetic whor... OARGH! Kahn: FINISH ME!!! Kitana: Dad? Again? Okay the last time then... Kahn: I just addopted you you FUC... Oargh Oargh Oargh Oargh Oargh... OOF!! OFF!! OFF!! OFF! Kitana: *slurp okay no more for you I am uh... full, seriously, Ill explode or some other Fatality... Woody Allenality... Kahn: Kontinue? (press start to kontinue free play mode)

A guy walks into a bar- he walks out of the bar because the beer was expensive and he didn't feel like getting drunk.

Have you seen Helen Keller's house? Well, It's an old style ranch home in a respectable neighborhood.

Whats red and crawls up your leg? A homesick abortion.

Q: What's black and white and red all over? A skunk in a blender.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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