Why can't Helen Keller have sex? She is dead

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Whats the difference between a quarter and a penny? 24 cents.

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what is big and can make things come out? a gun

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What did the man in need of a prosthetic arm get from the hospital? A diagnosis for cancer.

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Roses are Red, Blues are Violets, Have I Dyslexia, F**k.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, come at me again and I'll punch you

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what do u call a lesbian with long hair? a long haired lesbian.

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Why can't girls count to seventy? Trick question. Clinical research has proven that a fair amount of girls are, in fact, capable of counting from one to seventy using ordinal numbers in the Arabic numeral system.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Mike and Richard were walking down the street together Richard left because of Mike's garlic breath

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What happened to truck full of watermelons careening down the hill? After panicking, the driver was able to gain composure, and shifting the truck into a lower gear, was able to deliver the track safely to the side of the road at the bottom of the ill, where he sat down alongside of the road under the shade of an apple tree, sucking on delicious watermelon.

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What do Austrailian cows say? Moo.

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Whats black and white and red all over Racial violence

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What happenes if you put an elephant in the fridge? Nothing, it wouldnt fit.

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What is the difference between me and you? I am not readin this joke.

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Why do vampire's from 'Twilight' sparkle? Because it's a really bad movie.

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George Washington, a priest, a nazi and a jew are on a plane that's going to crash. There is only one parachute. George Washington says "For my country" and jumps off without a parachute. The priest says "For God" and jumps off without a parachute. The nazi says "For Hitler" and pushes the jew off and takes the parachute.

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple. finding two worms in your apple. and being an orphan.

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Beating cancer. Guess Steve Jobs they didn't make an app for that.

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What's the quickest way to a man's heart? A knife.

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Why did the man reach for his gun? Because he wanted to kill someone.

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your mama so fat she has a low self esteem

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How are jello and frankenstein alike? Both green, both alive, and bill cosby didn't make me want either.

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This is no joke. Well, I did warn you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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