Slam! Slam! Slam! I'm a woodpecker. Slam! Slam! Slam! Except with dirt.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you do if there's a rabid elephant chasing behind you, a vicious jaguar to your right, a rearing horse to your left, and a bloodthirsty lion in front of you? Innoculate yourself with a rabies vaccine, prod the jaguar on the nose with a stick (they hate that and will probably flee as a result), speak softly and calmly to the horse and encourage the lion to go for the elephant instead of you. You will probably still die as a combined result of mauling and trampling, and it's unlikely that you'll have two rabies vaccines to hand by chance for such situations, but your chances of survival will be minimally improved.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What is in your backyard and is stalking you? Corn

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A:how many notzies dose it change a light bulb B:none they made the jewish do it. :(

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the chicken cross the road? He never did because he's in KFC

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why was Blue looking for her clue. She was drugged by a stranger and ended up inside of Mailbox.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

I knew a little girl once. She was ate before she was seven.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did Batman tell Robin before he got into the Batmobile? "Hey Robin, get in the Batmobile."

thumb_up thumb_down -8

women sports....

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why shouldn't you hit a black guy on a bike? Because you would get charged with vehicular manslaughter and have the NAACP all up in your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Many people of many races do many things every day.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

why can't the bat see? Because it's made of metal

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why was the presidential candidate sad? He mother was raped on her way to hear his speech and his brother hung himself in his apartment two days earlier.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why does Rupert the Bear wear chequered trousers? Because that's how the creator originally drew him.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q: What's worse than seeing a scorpion A: being stung by that scorpion

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the three year old say when he dropped his milk? Shitting buggery!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Dear 6, Please stop spreading rumors about me. I heard you do some pretty nasty things with 9. Sincerely, 7

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A duck walks in wal-mart and buys stuff. The cashier ask how hes going to pay and the duck said just put it on my bill.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you call someone with the world biggest encyclopedia on their head? Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

i'm filthy rich literally because money is dirty

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why was Diana crying? Because she was penetrated.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's red and smells like a rose? Bumble-bees licking honey off of a stick.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's brown and sounds like a bell? An old rusted bell.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

why are marcos hands all swetty. he just got done giving a hand job to joe.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops