What was wrong with the tomato? Nothing.

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what do you call dominic rolling down a hill?

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why did u fart to loud? because you butt said so

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Person 1: Ask me if i'm a tree. Person 2: Are you a tree? Person 1: No.

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In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

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Did u hear what happened to that man with no arms and no legs who tried to play water polo? No, what happened He drowned....

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Are you kidding? If you can slow down time when stressed, then that means that your perception of time is, well... Oh relative, but still wow! What about now though? Can you do it? And for curiosity`s sake, what if you jumped off a roof? Would the stress make it all really slow?

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how much blondes does it take to fix a light bulb 1 to buy the bulb 2 to put it up and 25 to think about what it does

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What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A blonde is a human woman and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used for the popular sport of bowling.

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Why can't George Washington sit up straight? He's dead.

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Loner.

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Why did the man have a bad day? Well first of all, his wife left him, then his two kids both committed suicide, then a large falcon pecked at his genital area. After that he proceeded to be hit by a car, and soon after he was hit by a bus. Following this, his corpse was raped by a transvestite pig, and then finally his spirit got hit by a plane on its way up to heaven, knocking it to Hell.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why the f*** do so many people ask this question?

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Why did the jew kill himself? He heard a raciest joke and went into a period of depresion causing him to lose all will to live.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? About 800 pounds

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Whats up with your nan? Copious amounts of lsd

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What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable? The wheelchair.

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Ha ha. You've wasted your life, sucker!

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What is the best invention ever? Taking a crap reverse. So you can enjoy a nice bowl of aids.

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I have read and agree to the Terms of Service.

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Whats worse than not having cellphone service? Having sex unwillingly with a stranger then getting pregnant at the age of 13.

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First joke of the most-disliked area; 9/11 joke. First joke of the most popular area; Holocaust joke. "You shouldn't joke about 9/11 you sick bastard people died" -Said all Americans ever.

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What do you think when you see an asian woman behind the wheel of a car? She's very attractive.

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im a dragon, no im not

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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