whats worse than getting bit by a tick. getting bit by a deer tick that as lyme disease.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

when geese fly in a v formation, why is one side always longer then the other? Because you touch yourself at night...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What do you call Madeline McCann at the bottom of the sea? Drowned Madeline McCann.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Yo mamma so poor she got a job.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

A. Why did the chicken cross the road? B. Why? A. To get to the other side. A. Knock, Knock. B. Who's there? A. The chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains! That's the least of your worries you have aids!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What happened to Liam? He Died.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

A man walks into a bar with a monkey...I forget the rest but your mother is a hor.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What's purple and green and has a criminal record including two counts of armed robbery, five counts of possession with intent to sell, one count of attempted murder, several citations for underage drinking, and a parking ticket? Barney, but ignore all that other stuff. His record was expunged.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What was the leg less and armless mans favorite type of music? Nubstep

thumb_up thumb_down -28

(two firefighters are climbing an undersea mountain in Brazil) Why do elephants fear the natural causes of silver icecream cones? Because the cars in the parking garage jump the moon while doing jumping jacks.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A neutron walks into a bar. He orders a drink and ponders why his mother gave him the name, "A neutron."

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Knock, Knock ...

thumb_up thumb_down -28

I want some pudding. but I didn't have my meat. how can I have pudding?

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? Finishing the wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What made people stop likeing Ice tea? Ice-T

thumb_up thumb_down -28

two ducks run into each other........ then they walk away

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What do you call the child of a black male and an asian female? A child of mixed ethnicities.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why did the Irishman walk out of the bar? He didn't. He's Irish

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Hahaha

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What did the blind man say to the fish store owner? I would, 1 fish please.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A guy with a severe attention deficit walks into a bar and... oh, look, the sky is pretty... wait, what was I saying ?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops