A man goes into a bar. He leaves drunk and beats his wife to death and burns the house and kids.

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Where did grandpa go for his birthday The morgue.

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A young girl walks out of a bar then gets raped.

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Hhahahahahhahhahahahahhaahhayournanisdeadhahhahahahahahahah

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3 blind mice walk into a bar. they have no idea of their surroundings and are quickly crushed to death.

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What's white and black and lives in the ghetto : a panda bear

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What's worse then getting followed by a creepy man in a van? Getting followed and raped by a creepy man in a van.

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can i have 10 pounds to go to the cinema?

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A: you have a strong arm. B: yea i work ou- A: you can master bate a whale.

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Q: Who lives in a pinaple under the sea? A: Garry

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Why is it when birds fly in a "V" shape one side is longer? There's more birds on that side.

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George Washington, a priest, a nazi and a jew are on a plane that's going to crash. There is only one parachute. George Washington says "For my country" and jumps off without a parachute. The priest says "For God" and jumps off without a parachute. The nazi says "For Hitler" and pushes the jew off and takes the parachute.

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a woman votes!

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why did the bear cross the road? to get cream cheese.

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I was sitting next to a man with jelly in one ear and peanut butter in the other, so I turned to him and said "Are you a trifle deaf?" and he said "No, I'm mentally ill."

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How many pencils does it take to get an A on a test? Actually it takes knowledge.

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This is a joke...that your supposed to laugh at.

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What's black, white, and red all over? The color scheme. Except for the black and white. They're shades.

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Whats Green and Smells Like Grass? Grass

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Q: Do these jeans make me look fat? A: No your fat makes you look fat.

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What did Michael jackson say to Abraham Lincoln? Nothing, there are both currently deceased, if they did, however, say something to each other, it would not be in person, because they are both dead.

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A man is sitting at a bar. He stands up and goes over to these bikers playing pool. He then walks over to the bartender and says "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can pee in that bottle over there." The bartender looks at the bottle and sees there is a good five meters between the two. The bartender then agrees. The man takes out his penis and begins to pee. His pee stream goes everywhere on the bar, on the cash register, and espicially on the laughing bartender. It goes everywhere except inside the bottle. The man finishes and zips his pants. He then smiles at the bartender while handing him three hundred dollars. The bartender asks "why are you laughing you lost three hundred dollars?" Which the man replies "See those bikers by the pool table laughing?...I bet them five hundred dollars each that I could pee on your bar, on your cash register, and on your face and you would laugh and be happy." The bartender then reached under his bar and toke out his bat. He then continued to break the mans knees and then perceeded to pee on his bruised and battered face.

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How can you ruin someone's day? Tell them their mother has cancer. No really, I found out my mom has cancer a week ago.

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What did the cow say to the Businessman? Nothing. Cows cant talk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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