Hey I've got two stories. This one and the next one.

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It was okay, then Alice my friend and a nurse insisted (she can be a total bitch) I take a painkiller, of course that messed up my focus completely and threw off my hypnotic suggestion which I use to shut down the pain receptors. Ironically I cannot seem to shut off my allergy to dust. Oh, yeah it was the standard bullshit Mensa test, ten patterns or something, oh and while I am terrible at trivia, I am actually much smarter than a fifth grader, I mean one kid told me he was smarter because he could do math better than me and he could, so I choked the little bitch to death, who is the smartest one now?

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If I tell you that seeing you happy, is my main motivation towards accepting right now, would you believe me?

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What's funnier than a jalapeño? A jalapeño on a stick.

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Good job, son.

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What's red and has zippers? Nothing, because watermelons can't physically drive without the help of a sheeps spinal cords ... DUH

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How do you start a riot in Mexico? Roll a penny down the street.

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What's red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple? The Color Wheel.

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What do you call something green and fuzzy? Grass, I lied about the fuziness.

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What did the little boy get for christmas? Nothing. He's jewish

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How do you know if someone is vegan? They'll tell you.

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person 1. Did you here about the black guy who went to college? person 2.no person 1. either have i whats ironic is that they are both black

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Why is there a corpse in this TV box? Bob was never a great skydiver.

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Joey and Jack walked into a bar, and their friend Satan asked if they heard about Jesus, and they said No.

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what's the difference between northerners and southerners? southerners live to the south of birmingham, and they don,t stink of urine.

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Jim has five apples. He gives two apples to Joe. What is left? Fruit

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Given the unlikely circumstance in which an elephant actually does sit on your fence, it is equally unlikely said elephant would be able to do so unseen by witnesses, of whom you may ask what time the event occurred. Assuming your witness thought to look at the time befor calling animal control.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Obamacare

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Why did I write this joke Because I'm board as hell

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What is invisible and smells like cheese? Cheese. I lied about the invisible part, because cheese is not invisible.

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A new born baby is left alone in his crib after a long day of playing, He gets taken out of his crib for his first meal with his grandparents, he is excited, His grandparents come in and after the usual praising of the child they sit down for dinner, They are having chicken, His mother puts the spoon to his mouth, He chews it and swallows it, It gets stuck in his throat and he suffocates and dies.

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A bar walks into a man and the man walks into a watermelon then the watermelon walks into a black guy then the black guy walks into a piece of fried chicken then the piece of fried chicken walks into a hotdog then the hotdog walks into a wall then the wall walks into a horse then the horse walks into a jar of mayonaise then the jar of mayonaise walks into a can then the can walks into the bar

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What do you get six year old Hitler for his birthday? An Easy Bake Oven

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Man: Would you like to see someone Man 2: Sure Man: How bout the inside of an ambulance

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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