What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer...and the other is a watermelon.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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Knock knock. Who's there? Not Madeleine mecanne.

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Steve Mullings isn't on drugs

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What do you do when life hands you lemons? Such a statement assumes that life is an actual person, which is impossible. Thus, you do not need to concern yourself with what you must do when life hands you lemons.

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why was the kid crying? because he had to go to school GDS*

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What do you call two black men sitting on the porch? Craig and Smokey

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What did the blind pole vaulter say to the speed skater? Hi, how are you?

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How many republicans does it take to raise the debt ceiling? Technically, none, as the president has the right to do this based on the 14th amendment.

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im @ work, LOL.

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CAS

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why was the girl screaming? She was getting raped from behind by her dad.

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What ever happened to Sally? We don't know she went missing over 5 years ago.

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What do call a man with no arms or no legs that sits on the couch? Grandpa after his amputations.

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What did your Little brother get for Christmas? Lice.

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How many skilled union workers does it take to change a light bulb? One.

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What is worse than the holocaust? A worm in your apple.

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How do you make an onion cry? Kill the chef.

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If Timmy has 2 apples and Sarah has 7 apples, what is the square root of the distance of Mars and Jupiter divided by the speed of light if X equals the value of negative infinity given the equation X(2) - E=MC/7?

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Y R U A B? I don't know why I am a bee.

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Wha do you call a couple with aids? 2 pepole who need immediate health treatment.

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Hey can you turn Tmartn upI can't hear him

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whats the worst part about being a black jew your black and jewish

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How did Clumsy Clearance eat shit? He was in the Human Centipede.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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