Knock Knock JUST OPEN THE FLIPPIN DOOR ALREADY! I DON"T NEED YOU TO KNOCK AND INTRODUCE YOURSELF EVERY TIME YOU COME TO MY HOUSE!!! Jeez...seriously

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The cookie monster walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why do you seem so blue?" Everyone laughed. Then the cookie monster replied "my wife died."

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? names

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A man shaves at least 3 times a week, yet he has the longest beard in town, how is that possible? He shaves his head because he's embarrassed about his rampant and patchy balding.

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big fat hairy gigantic enourmous erectionn CC

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Who took the cookie from the cookie jar? Your mom

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Whats Do You call people, on the top floor of a Double-Decker bus? Passengers

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Why couldn't Timmy ride his tricycle? He was run over by a bus.

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kathryn atkins

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What's worse than dropping your phone in the toilet? Drinking only milk and honey for 7 days and then getting diarrhea while lying chained up completely naked with red fire ants going up your anus and all over your body while you get eaten alive in slow painfully miserable death

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I peek in your window, Yes, I'm watching you

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Why did the Jew die? Because Hitler was born...

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What did a fireman say to his wife right after they got ran over by a stampede of bulls? nothing.... they were dead.

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers? To get to the other side.

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Why didn't the blonde get into college? She died in a car crash.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Dieing in a hole.

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whats worse than four babies in a box? one baby in four boxes

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What did andy say when he went down on burger nips? Welcome to the jungle

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A man fuffers srom lysdexiea

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How many dead babies will fit in a bathtub? Seventeen

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Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream..... But Leonardo DiCaprio had a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream.

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What did Helen Keller say? Obcojbcidjbcidjbdijcbd

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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If the camel has seven toes and the armadillo has thirteen, why does your mom pleasure herself to a picture of George Clooney ?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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