A man walks into a bar. He asked the bartender if he accepts $100 bills. The bartender says "no".

thumb_up thumb_down +26

How do white people screw in light bulbs? They read a manual.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's the difference between a black man and a white man, a white man has lighter skin

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Your mom is so cheap, that she eats her cereal with a fork to save milk

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why are pirates called pirates? Because it derives from the Latin word, pirata.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

two penguins are sitting in a bath tub. one penguin says, "hey, can you hand me the soap?" the other penguin says, "what do i look like, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +26

what happened to the 4 year old girl who got stuck in the freezer? She froze.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Jim: "Hey guess what" Bill: "What" Jim: "George Bush got reelected" *Bill proceeds to throw himself into the Atlantic Ocean.*

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Michael Castillo is gay

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A duck walks into a bar.... Animal control is swiftly called and the duck is relocated to a nearby park.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

So there's this crazy married couple in a old trailer down the road. They are both drunk. The man asks his blond wife, ''Isn't it about time we get married?'' The wife replies ''I wouldn't marry a ugly thing like you!'' The next day, they file a divorce.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Question: Whats worse then getting hit by a bus? Answer: Getting hit by a train.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

If at first you don't succeed, there's a very substantial probability that you failed.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

There once was a man from Nantucket But then he moved to Boston and changes his name to "man from Boston"

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Nicolas Cage's acting.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Knock knock. Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 who? Oh my god, I thought you said you'd never forget.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

White people talk like this 'HEY' Black people talk like this 'YO' Hundreds of thousands died in the civil war.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Whats the difference between a raisin and a old lady? One is alive, i think.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

The bear woke up after his long hibernation of the winter. "Boy, am I hungry!" The bear wandered around and ate some berries. "These blackberries are too bitter and unripe for my taste, I'll go eat something else." He stumbled upon a honeybee hive and took some honey out and ate it. He was swarmed and stung by many of those bees. "That wasn't my favorite batch of honey, I'm still pretty hungry, let me go find some other food. He came across a cabin in the woods. "There maybe some food in there." To some, this was known as the Northern Vermont Massacre. It was a tragic happening. The 7 membered family, the Hernandez family, all died that day. The bear chase all of the adult and children and the house and brutally ate them.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool? With teamwork and coordination, each could place one foot on the seat, and they can all stand up using each other for balance and support. The fact that they are gay in unimportant.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Q. What does a blonde and beer bottles have in common? A. Nothing. Blonde is a hair color and beer bottles are inanimate objects used to contain various brands of beer.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

knock knock. come in.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops