What is the most important thing to have during a zombie apocalypse? Oxygen.

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Why is the apple mushy? Because a car ran over it.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, it was Friday night (or Halloween or St. Patty's Day) and the chicken was at a party. He got totally drunk, and then got the bright idea that it would be okay to drive home. On a rural two-lane highway, his vehicle careened into the oncoming traffic lane, and then the ditch, thus crossing the road. Fortunately, he walked away with only a few scratches. However, he was cited for wreckless driving, and got a DUI as well.

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roses are red violets are blue bannas are yellow so is my wife

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What is black and white and red all over? Two Nuns in a chainsaw fight.

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why was little johns' stomach in discomfort? because his mom accidently gave him mercury for breakfast

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Trees are like friends. They both fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Eating the worm

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Why couldn't Sally ride a bicycle? She doesn't have a bicycle. She also doesn't have legs.

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Why did the dog eat poop?

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...this makes a cop throw a car and then call "inception!"

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Why did the blond put a condom on her hear? So, she would not get hearing ads.

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Why was the man cold? Because he was dead.

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A gay guy and a blind man walk into a bar. It's a gay bar. The blind man is also gay.

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What did hitler say to the bartender? Nothing he's dead.

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says "Why the long face?" The horse, being unable to understand the barman, breaks a table and shits on the floor.

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Why do babies cry on airplanes? Because gay people are getting married.

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I have Alzheimer. What?

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Do u liek mudkipz GO TROLLING

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Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas

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What do you get when you cross a turtle and a kangaroo? A hybrid combination of the two that is characterized by specific traits of both animals.

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Lady Gaga didn't have anything to wear to the playboy party.

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A pedophile walks into a daycare

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What's worse than dropping you ice-cream cone? Signing your post on Anti-joke.com

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops