Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because he was dead. Q: Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? A: Because he was stapled to the monkey.

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Don't think of granny porn

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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I saw a man with a hungry look in his eye, like the kind you get from not eating for a while

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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have a gun, get in the van

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My Japanese girlfriend left me the other day... I am now depressed and have resorted to comfort eating.

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did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and left leg? hes all right now

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When does a blond laugh and cry? When she's raped by a clown.

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it was christmas day and the boy opened his first present... and he immediately got aids.

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what happened to walt disney when he died? nothing he was frozen and has been for many years now

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Why is poop brown? Because you're a shit.

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What do you call a seven foot Egyptian named Randy who trains leopards to uproot floral cactuses? Randy.

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your mom is so lesbian that in prder to have you she planted a seed in her vagina because she refused to have sex with a man

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what does adolf hitler and jewish people have in common? they *** and **** but **** will always **** that hard but **** is ****** up rather ******, and they don't eat bacon

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Gestapo.

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A man walks into a bar. He is then taken to the hospital for his concussion, seeing as the bar was made of metal

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What do you do when you need shade? CALL RAYSEAN

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A Jew and a Muslim are sitting in a bar. The Muslim asks the Jew for some money to buy a drink. The Jew said, "how much?" The Muslim said, "$7.00" The Jew then said, "yes."

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Roses are red Violets are blue I hate sex Especially with you

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Dont you guys just hate it when someone puts a stupid joke on anti-joke?

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Google Doodles

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There is a bird and a squirrel in a tree. Later, as a farmer walked past, the squirrel ate the bird.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call it because it isn't coming.

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What do you call a black man on a bicycle? A cyclist.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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