Guy: If you can guess what's in my hand, you can have it. Girl: If it fits in one hand, you can keep it!

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Fuck her

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9 little monkeys jumping on the bed... One fell off and died!

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Roses are bright, Violets are sad, I like sprite I'm really struggling for ideas at this point

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What do you get a black guy when he is hungry? Something edible.

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Roses are red violets are red, the grass is red Holy crap! My yard is on fire!

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Why did Billy fall down? Because his brain was replaced with a piece of toast.

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What did the dead baby say to his mother? Nothing. He's dead.

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy but get in the van

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What is the main contrast about different banks? None, they all take your money!

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What did the passive-aggressive woman do to her husband? She killed him. As it turns out, the slight passive-aggressive behavior she was showing was actually an early warning sign of a dangerous sociopathic mental disorder. The authorities are looking for her as we speak.

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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Why did the tortoise beat the hare. The tortoise had carcinoma thyroid cancer in the renal pelvis uterur.

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how do you stop a speeding car? Put your foot on the brake

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How do you make a mail man cry? Run him over with a forklift.

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Why did the woman make a sandwich? She was hungry

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What's worse than listening to a teacher talk? This joke.

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A black guy walks into a bar with a beatiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?" The parrot was his fathers. Do to severe mental and physical illness, he can no longer take care of it. He asked his son to take it, those were his last words as he slipped into a coma

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I accidentally washed my white Labrador retriever with three red shirts and my Red Sox baseball cap. When I went to move the laundry, the dog was drowned.

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A man, a woman, and their son were happily going out for a nice family dinner. The family they ate wasn't so happy.

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Why does the cool aid man make it look so easy to break through? -To Get to The Other Side!!!!!!

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What did the Queen of England say when here servant died? Another one bites the dust!

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Rebecca Black

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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