A man walks into the local grocery store on his way to work. He stops by the pastry section to buy a bagel. As he is paying, the cashier says "and here's some blueberries, they're complimentary." The man looks at the blueberries expectantly. When they don't say anything he looks up, feeling foolish, pays for his bagel and heads off to work as a partner in a lawyer firm.

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Yo mama so fat she has an increased risk of blood clots!

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What begins with "f" and ends with "uck"? A curse word.

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Why did the monkey sit on the toilet? To have a bowelmovement

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Billy isn't a homosexual, he just has sex with men. Billy has sex with men, because Billy's in prison.

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Why do you never hit a black man with your car? Because that's vehicular homicide.

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ROSS G IS OBESE

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A Mexican walked away from a construction site.

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What do you call 10 black people on the moon? A problem What do you call 1000 black people on the moon? A problem What do you call the population of black people on the moon? A huge problem

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A baby seal walks into a club...

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, it is unclear what the chicken's motivation to cross the road was.

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How do you kill a fly? Shoot it

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Romney 2012

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What do you call a hickey on your shoulder? Bad aim -Cooper Simpson

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viki has 10 penises around her she eats 8 of them what does viki have? viki has AIDS

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What's black and white and red all over? A black, white, and red painting.

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What do you get when you cross a grizzly bear and a dolphin? Well, the odds of these two animals mating are slim to none. Due to the undeniable fact that dolphins live in the ocean primarily in the warmer tropical waters and grizzly bears live on land in the pacific northwest where the water would be too cold for the dolphin anyway. The dolphin would be swimming around avoiding sharks and the bear would probably be eating a salmon. But if they did breed you would get a dolphinbear. Although a dolphinbear would have a very low chance of survival given it's part dolphin. Dolphins are pussies.

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Why did the bride get a refrigerator for her wedding? Because it is a very nice present

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What do you call a Jewish lawyer, who is happily married to a woman, but goes and sees a man on the side? A gay Jewish lawyer who cheats on his fake wife.

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A young couple just gave birth to their first child and the doctor says, "I’ve good some good news and some bad news, what do you want first?" "Give us the bad news first", the parents reply. "Your baby has red hair", says the doctor. "Well whats the good news", ask the parents. "It’s dead", says the doctor.

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Q: what would george washington be doing if he were alive right now? A: screaming in his grave

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What's the difference between Jews and boy scouts? Boy scouts come back from camp.

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Why do black people call white people "Niggas"? Because they took an overdose of KFC and watermelon, they're actually just insulting themselves.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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