My friends are like trampolines I have none

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What's the difference between zev hatis and a dwarf Nothing. They are both midgets and are going to die by the age of 25

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Why did the Black Man only eat one apple a day? He was trying to stay healthy. On an unrelated note he was under the poverty line, and addicted to an illegal substance. He does not represent African-American society very well.

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im black

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A handicapped man rolls into a bar. He buys a drink, talks for a while, and rolls out.

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A woman goes to the hospital to receive an ultra-sound after taking a pregnancy test a few weeks before. The doctor comes out and says "Congratulations Susanne would you like to know the results? Susanne says "No thank you." Then, the doctor says "Good, because its actually a retarded baby that we found."

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If I have 10 apples and you have 45 oranges how many plates can we fit on the roof? Purple because monkeys don’t fly

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Whats worse than than Holocaust.? Finding two worms in your apple.

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A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released at a nearby park.

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Grapefruit.

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What's worse than failing out of high school? Finding out your mom has cancer.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple, your dad having sex with your girlfriend

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In Capitalist America, bank robs you!

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A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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what do a snake and a bird have in common? they can both fly! except for the snake.

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What is brown and sticky?

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Why couldn't the boy see the pirate movie? He was blind.

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how did the turtle die? it drowned itself

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If life gives you melons.. You're just plain retarded.

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Person 1: Do you like impressions? Person 2: Yes! P1: Why? ... P1: That was Socrates.

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What do you call a lettuce named Andrew? Andrew.

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What do you call it when a drunk guy puts a tree in his house and then decorates his fireplace with his socks? Christmas (I didn't come up with this)

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What happened to the little kid sitting next to a fat kid ? The little kid got DEVOURED

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A man with Tourettes walks into his Daughter's kindergarten classroom. Fortunately, he was able to control himself and refrain from any outbursts of profanity during the visit.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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