A Muslim gets off his plane from Saudi Arabia to New York and walks to customs where a TSA agent asks him "what is you business in America?" The Muslim responds "I am here for a vacation". He walks on, and returns home 10 days later.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

a boy poops in class everybody laughs and now he has no friends

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Wow, so today is 9/11? Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

The awkard moment when you realize you either have cancer, are pregnant, or a combination of the two.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? Quarter pounder with cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Robin, get in the Batmobile.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

5 Christians, 4 Arabs, 3 Jews, and a Monkey are locked in a room with sticky bombs, hand grenades, a bible, and some bananas. What do they do? play scrabble

thumb_up thumb_down +23

If pro is the oppisite of con what is the oppiste of progress Congress

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Knock Knock Whose there? Ben Dover Come in

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: What is green, jumps and says i'm a frog? A: A frog that talks

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: How fast does an F-16 fly? A: Pretty Fast

thumb_up thumb_down +23

You're such a baby, that you are still in diapers! Ew! How would you know creep!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How do you kill a black man? You cn coz he'll beat you up first

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you call a man with no arms or legs on the doorstep? The Diabetes man

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A man walks into a bar, he now has a mild concussion

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs because disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion).

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you call something that lives in a pineapple under the sea? I don't know, but that seems like an improbable circumstance.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did the passive-aggressive woman do to her husband? She killed him. As it turns out, the slight passive-aggressive behavior she was showing was actually an early warning sign of a dangerous sociopathic mental disorder. The authorities are looking for her as we speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why was 6 afraid of 7? because 7 was a really creepy movie

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Roses are red Violets are blue Poetry is hard And so is wood

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the kid get on the bus. Because he had to go home

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did Al gore say after he sold his TV Station to Arab Oil Money? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. CHA-CHING!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's worse than a worm in your apple? Two worms in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops