There are two muffins in the oven. One says: "It's really getting hot in here!" The other one can't reply because it is already dead.

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An American almost walks into a store when he sees a Jew. The Jew was also about to walk into the store, So the american opens the door for him and says"Jew first."

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What do you do when your condom breaks during sexual intercourse? Get AIDS.

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What is pink and gets wet a tounge

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What happened to the lady? She queefed.

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A man from timbuktu slept on a bed of nails. It was very uncomforable

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whats small and looks funny? A baby with a penis sewed to its face.

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I hate it when I get an erection and it pushes Pluto out of orbit.

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knock knock who's there ?? the police now get out !!

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Why did the blonde flunk out of school? Because she was a fucking idiot.

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven killed off his entire family.

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A dying man walked into a shop and started to look at the clothing on display. Then he died.

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Why was the boy crying? Because he was told he would never find a wife

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What time is it? I believe it's half past 10, sir. Damn, I'm late for a meeting. May I ask, what time are you supposed to be there? 11 O'clock Why sir you have half an hour left. No shiitt, sherlock

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Why is it when birds fly in a "V" shape one side is longer? There's more birds on that side.

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George Washington, a priest, a nazi and a jew are on a plane that's going to crash. There is only one parachute. George Washington says "For my country" and jumps off without a parachute. The priest says "For God" and jumps off without a parachute. The nazi says "For Hitler" and pushes the jew off and takes the parachute.

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Q: Do these jeans make me look fat? A: No your fat makes you look fat.

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I always wanted to know what the future will hold in the decades to come... Until I realized the idiotness of my own thought for it is nigh impossible for us humans to see the future... Except... That the ancient Mayan civilization prophesized the end of the universe, which I did take into consideration as I slowly nibbled my way through the waffle cone till I had realized that I had reached the paper surrounding the cone and immediately spat it out for it leaves a fowl taste In my mouth, then continued eating my ice cream as I pondered the future and the anti-climatic ending of this anti-joke.

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I was sitting next to a man with jelly in one ear and peanut butter in the other, so I turned to him and said "Are you a trifle deaf?" and he said "No, I'm mentally ill."

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What happened to the man who had the most loving parents and family when he was born, had an amazing childhood which he shared with so many good friends, was loved everywhere, helped the poor, started a fundraiser for starving kids in africa, got a college education, helped a complete stranger get off his drug addiction, married a beautiful woman, bought a nice house and had 3 children who he loved dearly and spent time with as much as he possibly could, tucked them in every night and enjoyed every second of his life as if it was his last? He died.

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Obama getting elected in 2012.

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This is a joke...that your supposed to laugh at.

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How many pencils does it take to get an A on a test? Actually it takes knowledge.

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what the difference between ET and polish people? ET is an alien and polish people are human

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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