There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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Q:what's black and white and red all over? A:a panda bear that's been shot in the face.

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The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action

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Why didn't the Irishman want to drink anymore? Because he wasn't thirsty.

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How many sheets did the Asian want on his bed? "You sheet on my bed I kill you!"

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1d

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The chicken crossed the road.

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How do you scare a Jew Hold your lighter up and blow out the flame and I've toward him real slowly and see how much drama he'll cause

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What was Dillon's old name? Dillon, I lied about the old name part.

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To mama's so fat when she went to Dairy Queen she Ordered a blizzard.

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It's green, has four legs and sits in a tree. And if it falls on your head you're dead. A billiard table.

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The situation... Two black men are skiing down the Sahara. The Question... How much syrup does it take to kill a life-guard. The answer... The sunglasses because he never be a porcupine.

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kcuf read it backwards

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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your mother is so fat that she eats a lot of high fat foods.

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What characterizes a good joke? The lack of a punch line.

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What do Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen have in common? They are both celebrities.

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Rishi has popcorn while wass n jess r making jokes on anti jokes

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A blond is walking down the street when she is suddenly mugged and raped. She reports her attacker but he is never found.

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Roses are red, Violets are purple.

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What's the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in.

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knock knock whos there johovas witness O-0

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Why did Jimmy fall out of the tree. Cause' I shot him.

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Why did a boy fall off the swing at a playground? He did not have any arms.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops