Guess what! what haha u listened to me

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A short Irish man and a tall German man went skydiving. Both parachutes coincidentally failed to deploy and they died.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Knock. Knock who? Knock knock.

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What do you call 5 of my friends and 5 of your friends hanging out together? I don't know. I don't have any friends.

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there are some things i dont get. Quantum Physics is one of them.

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a blond was walking across a river thinking how do I get across. when she saw another blond. and asked how do I get to the other side and the other said your already on the other side.

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A: We're eating you for breakfast today. B: Thank you, I'll have my arm.

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In the weeks following the original release of Die Hard, reports sprung up across the nation of impressionable boys overdosing while masturbating.

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I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!!! LOUD NOISES!!!

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What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies? My wife didn't cheat on me in a pile of dead babies.

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roses arent always red, they can be pink or white. violets are violet, not blue. your pretty lets have sex.

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Roes are red Violets are blue I felt silly for writing this Because violets are violet.

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How did you know it was bedtime at Michael Jackson's house? When his clock's big hand met the little hand, usually at 10 or 11, though sometimes later if he had a concert that night.

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What's black and hangs from a rope on a tree in my backyard? A tire swing.

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Three women are sent to heaven. Theres a blond , brunette , and a redhead. There are 100 steps to heaven and on every step god tells you a joke and you cant laugh. The redhead makes it to step 23 then laughs. The brunette makes it to step 67 then laughs. Finally the blond make it all the way to the 100th step and before god can tell the joke she laughs. God asks why are u laughing? And the blond says " i just got the 1st one"!

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The knocking didn’t cease. It grew harder as the voice grew louder. “Let me in! Let me in! LET ME IN!” The knocking grew so fierce it could have shattered the door. Tears leaked from her eyes. “What do I do,” she thought “should I open the door?” The knocking was more than she could bear. “I know you’re in there, Kat.” it said. Her stomach twisted, her breath caught in her throat, and tears now streamed down her face. “Go away!” she shouted finally. “Let me in!” it screamed in response. “Leave me alone!” she cried. The voice and the knocking echoed in her head, making her more nauseous than before. Reaching for the lock hesitantly, she sucked up her tears and held her breath, unlocking the door and throwing it open. Nothing was there. The tree stood in the yard unmoving, no wind. Nothing. She shut the door, shaking in fear. With the click of the lock, the room grew cold. Goose-bumps covered her skin. “Thank you for letting me in.” a voice whispered behind her.

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What did Obama say to Hilary? Will you be my secretary of state?

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Why don't women need watches? Because they probably have a cell phone, which works just as well.

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why was the kid sad? his fish died. he had to flush it down the toilet.

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Want to hear the best joke? Your life :,( i think i hate you?

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What was the pirate movie rated? Pg-13

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What is the same between a turtle and an eagle? They both fly, apart from the turtle.

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Think of a fruit that isn't an orange ... You're thought of a pear, didn't you?

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I tried to call my friend in Haiti. It went straight to vibrate.....

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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