Good question, probably because I cannot get enough focus to "put a spell" on anyone because of my allergy, I use "autocast" for the rest. "Put a spell" I have not heard that since I was 14, that's really oldschool, and kinda geeky, back then it was code talk... Which is also geeky unless it actually serves a good purpose. AAAND... I served my mandatory time in the army as a minesweeper, we got attacked by fucking allies because of a... Yeah, I killed, people on our same team, still bad people, they offed about everybody else until I showed up, long story short, yeah I offed four of them, but that's like ten years ago.. My turn, you really got a crush on me dont you?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: why do english soldiers have red coats? A: to cover the blood stains, so they can still lead their platoons when they are shot. why else?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

My two friends Larry and Paul are both race horses. They were getting ready for a big race to quolify them for the Kentucky durby. BANG! The race started! What. Close race! First it was Larry then Paul then Larry then Paul! And finally Larry came out and won it! Paul went to the winners circle and congratulated Larry. He said "hey great job Larry but next time after you come back from touring will you let me win?" Larry says "oh! Of course this couldn't get between us! We're like two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket. We're best friends"... So when he came back from touring Larry said it was great! And promised let Paul win. BANG the race started! It was Paul then Larry then Paul then Larry won again. Paul was a little mad that he he didn't win but he went to congratulate larry anyway. Larry said next time he was deffinetly going to let Paul win, because he wasn't gonna let this get between them because they are two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket, they are best friends. Then after Larry came back from touring he promised again he would let Paul win. BANG! The race started and it was Paul then Larry! Then Paul! Larry! Paul! Then larry won. Paul at this point furious went to the winners circle. He talked to Larry "Larry why didn't you let me win for the third time!? This is just your ego trying to win every time now!?" I didn't want them to fight so I chimed in "Larry, Paul! Please don't fight! Your two peas in a pod! Closer then bread in a basket! Your best friends!! You don't want to fight like this!" Larry turned to Paul and said "Hey look! A talking dog!"

thumb_up thumb_down +4

When life gives you lemons, throw them at pedestrians.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Batman and Superman switched sidekicks. Superman didn't want Robin.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Nicholas Salek did not write the message below. It was a joke one of his mates played!!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the whale cross the ocean? To reproduce as a way of life.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why couldn't the girl brush her hair? Because she had leukemia

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's worse than the Holocaust? Seeing duplicates of the top jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

if a fat man in a red suit puts you in a bag at night. its not santa your getting raped

thumb_up thumb_down +4

You know whats worse than finding 3 dead children in your house? Finding 2 dead children in your house.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are red, violets are blue i've got a gun, pointing at you

thumb_up thumb_down +4

give one word to discribe a man who has been in combat for 10 years and finnaly gets home to his family and he chokes and dies on piece of brockly. Irony

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Scenario- A wedding while skydiving. Problem- The groom lost his parachute. Question- Who stole it? Hint- The Maid of Honor didn't have one either, but he had one on his body when he hit the ground. Answer- The mailman, but he died of old age.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What happened to the blond that went to collage? She got her masters degree and became a brain surgeon.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a muslim who is not a terrorist ? A muslim

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A Mexican, an Italian and an American all walk into a bar. They order their drinks and have pleasant conversation, and all return home to loving families safely and securely.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Hey I just met you, and this seems crazy. I have Alzheimers... Hey i just met you.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

wanna no wats not funny........ aids

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do you give a women more freedom? Shoot her in the face with a shotgun.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

spell backwards: taco cat

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A mans opinion.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Whats funny about the Holocaust? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's the difference between a turtle and a fish? Turtles aren't fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops