Your mama is so fat she suffered from diabetes and died of heart failure .

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Q: Why is my friend gay? A: Because i slept with him.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia ...where am I

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whats red and falls from a tree an apple

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Why did the man fall of the building? Someone shot both of his kneecaps.

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What's the best joke in the world? This one.

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An enormous black man wearing a durag walks into a bar. Due to the diverse and friendly comminuty he lives in, nobody judges him on his race, ethnicity, or culture. He goes on to pursue his career in business and gets a Masters Degree in Business Administration. He get's a job as an IT Director for a very successful business and he marries a well educated woman. They have 2 kids, but one of them is diagnosed with "Ondine's Curse" and dies in it's sleep. Distressed, and mourning the death of his newborn son, he seeks help from his parents. Regardless of his parents comforting and loving attitude towards him, he goes into the inner city smoking and selling illegal drugs like crack. He even got into cocaine and marjuana. 4 and a half years later, he was about to attempt suicide, when he saw his only living son, whom he loved with all his heart, walk into the room with his teddybear. He just looked at him, and he looked back. Suddenly, the father started crying. Flashbacks started playing though his mind of his happy life he was steadily pursuing. "why me?" He constantly thought to himself. What did he do to deserve this? 7 years in the future. The father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Right before his death, he asked to talk to his son. "Son, listen to me. Never try to comtemplate the world we live in, it's too spontaneous and insane to understand. This world can either give you bliss or depression. Nothing inbetween. And most people who make there way up to the top eventually will fall. What goes up must come down. Ha... I never thought I'd be talking to me own son giving him a silly lecture in a deathbed. But just look at me..."the father gets very muddled and disoriented* "...Son. They say most of us have a good reason to live. Well don't most of us have a good reason to die too?" Malik Cartwright died on March 22, 1999. His son went on to legally change his middle name to "Leek", after his father's nickname. He went on to get the same Master's Degree that his father received, and had kids of his own. The whereabouts of the mother are unknown.

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What do squirrels and Justin bieber have in common? Everything.

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What do you call a new born baby ? Whatever name you and your partner have agreed upon after months of sifting through baby names.

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knock knock Who's there Rick Rick who Your wife's boss she got into an on the job accident and will never walk again... I'm sorry but your insurance doesn't cover the injury.

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How do you know a French guy has been in your back yard? Your thrash cans are empty and your dog's pregnant

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A gay jew walked into a bar. Just kidding, for there was only a red blanket.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse says, "I have cancer."

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If I have 7 oranges in one hand and 8 oranges in the other, what do I have? Big hands!

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I wouldn't touch ellen degeneres with a 10 foot lance. However, i would shake her hand with my hand. Lesson: 10 foot lances are no way to touch ppl.

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A man walks into a bar and says "I'd like a beer."

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Pete and repeat were on a boat. Repeat fell off, who was left?

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Oh my God! A talking dog!

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Nero the guy that killed four Neo Nazi`s desecrating the funeral of one of my late members in Chile with a revolver hidden in one of the 46 hidden pockets on the inside of his trench jacket with lots of folders here, inside whose only side effect is making me look like I spend a lot more time at the gym, later one of them found me, ran towards the police which laughed at him pointed at me and said: That guy with a prosthetic arm? You dont believe me... Excellent! Nero The Avenger

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wat is the difference between rainbows and poop? I LOVE RAINBOWS!

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What does Snoop dog wash his clothes with Bleach

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How are a pizza and a jew similar? They both are people aside from the pizza.

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What do you call an Arab on an airplane? A passenger.

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"Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it; I tried to be chill, but then I realized that when used as an adjective, 'chill' refers to the temperature." -Jason Mraz

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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