What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot.

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What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start

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How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Yarn

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A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "Yes, with proper medical attention and rest, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic with a family of four and is ruining his life. -Tag

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yo mamas so fat... she's a map on call of duty

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A blonde walks into a bar and orders a drink. The end.

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What do you call someone who kills black people? A hero.

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planned on writing you all an antijoke decided i wouldn't.

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Why is the sky blue? The sun reflects off the water molecules in all bodies of water

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How does one peel a potato? First I would suggest going to your local grocery store, and purchasing a vegetable peeler (although, in fact, the potato is not considered a vegetable). Once at home, I recommend disinfecting it of germs. Unless you already own a vegetable peeler, in which case I would simply peel the potato as every normal human would.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The Police. *No Answer* The Police then give the S.W.A.T team the signal, and bust down the door and kill 15 high profile targets issued by Liberia. The man who did not answer the door is Carlos Pedrojeuz, a serial killer, meth addict who has been a part of the sex slave trade for a decade. One might think of answering the door next time.

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A handless Asian boy was riding his bike through the park with some friends. One of his friends puts his arms in the air and yells "Look! No hands!" The handless boy rides his bike home, crying and thinking about how one day he would like to say, "Look! No hands!" without people getting nauseous.

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What is green and has weels? A green bycicle.

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What's the difference between Rebecca black and your mom? Capitalize Black.

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you will now laugh.

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What rhymes with popscicle and weighs at least 300 pounds? Your mom. I lied about the popsicle.

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What do men and women have in common? They're both respected members of society, besides women.

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How many hours of sleep did Jimmy get last night? Zero, because he has insomnia. Jimmy got fired from his job today because of his lack of energy and motivation due to his disorder. His wife divorced Jimmy because he can no longer support her and their two kids.

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Did you hear about the Blonde who fell off a cliff You Have? Oh Ok, Have a nice day

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Paul and Steve, Siamese twins attached at the head, come to a fork in the road they are traveling. Paul wants to go left, while Steve wants to go right. They pause for a moment to figure out which direction would be the best choice for the both of them. They decide to go Paul's way, and as they continue to travel in silence, they try to imagine what life as a self-reliant individual would be like.

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what smells worse then shit Drew White

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Why do guys like Halloween? Martin Luther posted the 95 theses in 1517 on this day.

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Roses are Grey Violets are Grey lolololol Im a dog

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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