Knock Knock Who's there? It's me Ok, come in (the knockers voice was familiar enough that giving a name would have been out of place)

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what did the duck say to the hawk? quack

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? What kind of society have we created that a chicken can't even cross a road without his motives being questioned?

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What's brown and sticky? A penis.

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Why did Charlie Sheen laugh at the TV? Because there happened to be a comedy on.

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What's the worst part about seeing a dead baby on the beach? The crushing sadness.

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Q:What's red and fluffy? A: A blue rock, if blue were red and rocks were fluffy

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Why does a squid have 8 legs? It doesn't, it has 8 tentacles!

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You are so gay you frequently, and consentingly are sodomized by men and frivolously enjoy it.

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Why did the man mow his lawn without his shirt on? Because it was very hot out.

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Yo mommas so fat they had to change 'one size fits all' to 'one size fits most'

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I love you, you live me. Now get the FUDGE out of the tree!!!

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What did the two fire men say to each other whilst a house was burning? Well be better put that fire.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he happened to be walking in that general direction.

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This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them. "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispers, "You know that blowjob I promised you? Well, here it comes..."

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What's faster than a black guy with your TV? Probably someone who doesn't have to carry such a heavy object.

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what did batman say to robin before getting into the car? get in the car.

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Why are you going to thumbs this joke up? Because I use the words "Chuck Norris" Thus making it impossible to not thumbs up.

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A man walks into a bar, has a few drinks and spots a nice looking lady He then follows her home and molestes her child.

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What would be the consequence of a terrorist detonating a 500 kT nuclear bomb in Manhattan? A ridiculous question. All enriched uranium in Pakistan is safe and out of reach of terrorists, their govt. has assured. Please ask about realistic scenarios next time.

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how Sudan answered England when England's ambassador eaten by Sudanese people? Eat ours

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What do you call a black pilot? A pilot.

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Why i Hate people. They are alive. The are breathing. The are near me.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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