What is quite heavy and if it falls off a tree and hits you in your head you die? A sheets packet

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The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!" Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS." "Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient. "You've also got Alzheimer's Disease." Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."

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Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes.

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Snausages.

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Why was little billy sad? He had a crouton stuck up his asshole.

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Try saying "Good Eye Might" without sounding Australian.

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Woman's Rights

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Dad: "Happy birthday, son! Let's go get a beer." Timmy: "But dad, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are, we hope that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.” Timmy's mom had just died of cancer a few days ago. A friend walks in the door, not knowing Timmy's mom died just a few short days before his birthday. He screams, "Happy birthday!" TImmy: "Damn. I'm not going through this again."

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U know what they say about big shoes? Big socks

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Why did the man jump off a cliff? Because he was committing suicide.

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How many hours of sleep did Jimmy get last night? Zero, because he has insomnia. Jimmy got fired from his job today because of his lack of energy and motivation due to his disorder. His wife divorced Jimmy because he can no longer support her and their two kids.

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A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic, so to make his activities in the bar into a joke would be disrespectful and inconsiderate.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What did the cow say to the chicken? Moo.

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How many fingers does Charlie Sheen have? 8. and 2 thumbs. just like most everybody else.

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roses are red violets are blue dinosaurs are extinct obama is black

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Why did the coconut fall out of the tree? Gravity.

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Q: What is the difference between a duck? A: That question doesn't make any sense.

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this is an anti joke THIS IS NOT A JOKE O:

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Why did Susy fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Susy.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Penis... Okay...

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Knock Knock! Who's there? I am.

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Your momma's so fat; She has a constant sense of insecurity due to the instability in her relationships caused by her involuntary obesity.

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Who won the race across the highway, the Mexican or the Frenchman? Neither, as they were struck by a mac truck when attempting to run across the highway and were both killed instantly on impact.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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