A Jewish guy walked into a bar... and said "ow"

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Your time.

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Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups, his personal trainer designed a regiment for him that didn't involve them.

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They took away privileges that she normally would have had had she not misbehaved.

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What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

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A muslim gets on a plane. He is then flown to his destination.

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Whats worse than an offended chicken walking around with a squirrel stapled to its back? A crusty old man with hepatitis peeing on 10 babies.

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"My foot is killing me" "no, actually it's that noose around your neck"

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what's red, blue, and white all over? The American Flag

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Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road? He wasn't, and in fact was entirely unaware that said road existed given the fact that he was deceased; and therefore lacked any sensory organs and motor functions associated with crossing roads.

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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? usually one new yorker.

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what do trees and humans have in common? they both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

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knock, knock who's there? I'm here to kill u! I'm here to kill u who? .......

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Male penises.

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Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he uses only the finest ingedients.

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what do you do to get a guy to vomit?? kick him in the balls!

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Q: Whats the difference between a Chicken and Your Mom? A: I dont eat the chicken

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Q: Why didn't the boy go to school? A: It was the weekend.

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Meh, I dont want it anymore! You can have it.

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Why did bobby fall of the swing? He had no arms -Knock knock -Who's there? -Bobby -But how? -I knocked with my diick -Oh

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Why did the chicken go up the car? To get a drink.

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What do fat kids and whales have in common? Ruth burden

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Why couldn't the blonde bride make it to her own wedding? She had another unplanned circumstance occur and the wedding was postponed until next week.

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So a bunch of blondes are in a group and a murder comes by and sais, "if you want to live, answer a question right." so the blondes pick there smartest on. the first question is, what is 9+4... the blonde answers five, the crowd goes "give her another chance giver her another chance, same thing happens, she gets it wrong and the crowd goes "give her another chance, give her another chance." the murderer sais "ok fine this is your final guess, what is 2+2" the blonde goes "uuhhhhhh... 4?" And the whole crowd goes "give her another chance give her another chance

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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