roses are red violets are blue oranges are......

thumb_up thumb_down +1

knock knock come in

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Your mother is SO wealthy, that she should help stop the poor children in Africa from starving by donating some spare change to the Let's-Help-Stop-The-Poor-Little-African-Children-From-Starving donation center. -not a real place!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

If she's old enough to count, she's probably in second grade.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What has 7 mouths 3 eyes and 5 noses Something very ugly

thumb_up thumb_down +1

how do you starve a man who is on welfare? hide his food stamps under his work boots.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because Osama Bin Laden is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the train crash? Because the conductor was a cucumber.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: Why can't dinosaurs talk? A: Because they are all dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the chicken cross the road? How did the chicken get out of the henhouse?

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Me-Whats long and hard and full of seaman Him-a submarine Me-No dumb ass a dick

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: Why didn't the mexican get into the bathtub? A: He was already clean

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Hear the one about the deaf guy? Neither has he.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A black man named Lawrence was driving a car that wasn't his at 3 a.m. The car belonged to a drunk friend who asked Lawrence to be the designated driver.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why does the groom wear a black tux? Because he knows a funeral when he sees one.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Yo mamma's so old... oh way no she's dead

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Whats brown,looks like a.dike,and is a whore. Marcella

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Your friend is so retarded I am getting a bit worried and his mother should take him to get tested for mental retardation.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

The only time your mother was ever considered "hot" was at her cremation.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the lemon say to the turtle? If you think the lemon said anything, something is wrong with you.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

vbh

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Call me a banana. You're a banana. No I'm not

thumb_up thumb_down -1

The Pope

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops