There was a man workin at the supermarket, when a cow with a hat entered. He realized that it couldn't be really happening and had to be a dream. Effectively: he was dreaming. Actually, he was in jail, and his execution was scheduled for that day.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, due to the lack of details, there could be many reasons, such as the possibility that there was a cornfield on the other side, he got scared by a loud noise behind him and ran across the street, or just plain old curiosity, but whatever it may be, right now, we do not know the cause.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Why was the accountant sad? He just watched his wife have consensual sex with another man.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

My dog has no nose! Then how does he smell? Terrible!

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Why did the man laugh when he saw someone using a shake weight? He remembered Dane Cook's stand up preformance from the night before.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Why are old people such terrible drivers? As we age, our eyesight slowly deteriorates and our reflexes become slower. So, in order to be cautious, the elderly avoid high speed chases and such to maintain their and others safety. Or they could have alzheimers and not realize they are in a moving vehicle at all, it's really a tossup

thumb_up thumb_down -57

How does one peel a potato? First I would suggest going to your local grocery store, and purchasing a vegetable peeler (although, in fact, the potato is not considered a vegetable). Once at home, I recommend disinfecting it of germs. Unless you already own a vegetable peeler, in which case I would simply peel the potato as every normal human would.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Why did the baby cross the road? Because it was stapled to a chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +60

why did the woman cross the road? to get groceries for making more sandwiches.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Why did the man fall from the sky? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Womens Rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well, if the socket were 20 feet in the air, it might take 4 blondes with really good balance. Then again, it might not matter how many blondes there are due to transportation issues. (What if there are no replacement light bulbs in the house, and the nearest store was 10 miles away? It would be ridiculous to expect someone to walk twenty miles to replace a light bulb) In conclusion, I would say that the number of blondes it takes to screw in a light bulb is dependent on the individual situation at hand.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Why was little billy sad? He had a crouton stuck up his asshole.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

What do you call an Arab flying a plane? A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Why did Doctor Who visit Ancient Greece? Because has a time machine and has that ability

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Why did the first squirrel fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure. Why did Bobby fall off his bike? He was hit by 4 squirrels Why did bobby die? He was hit by a bus

thumb_up thumb_down +44

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "what would you like to drink?". The horse, unable to comprehend english, just nods and proceeds to shit on the floor

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Q. What did the blak guy say to the other black guy? A. Hey.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

So an irishmen, jewish, and asain walk into the bar...and the bartender said get out..

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Why did the chicken cross the road? why? Womens rights

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What did one prisoner on death row say to the other? Can you please clean off the seat when you're done? I'd like to die in my own urine.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

i got angry and i was like " i really want to kick someone" ,my friend was on the ground and shes like "you can kick me" ,and i'm like "REALLY" ,then i kicked her really hard and she cried...

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A fossil.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops