Knock,knock whose there? The pizza delivery guy the pizza delivery guy who the pizza delivery guy who didnt give you your pizza

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Deadly cancer.

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Why could'nt the boy eat peanuts? Because if he did he would proceed to have an allergic reaction, his throat would swell up, he would go into analeptic shock and die.

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Wanna hear a joke? Joe Jonas.

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What's black and blue and red all over? A baby right after I kill it

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How do you make a doctor cry? Kill his family.

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How did jimmy get hurt?? someone throw a fridge at him..

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I dont know, are you a tomato?

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What happened when Chuck Norris tried to divide by zero? He found that he was not very good at math, and moved on to another joke concerning himself.

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How do you stop an alcoholic from drinking ? You leave him in the desert for 4 days, eventually he'll die from dehydration .

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How do you spell eight? 8

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Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

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Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says "I'll have some H2O." The second one then says "I'll have some H2O too." Both chemists live as no bartender is irresponsible enough to serve liquid hydrogen peroxide in a public bar.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Jupiter is the Galaxys biggest planet!

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Why didn't little billy have any friends? Billy bought a rifle, and shot everyone he had ever seen or talked to, even his family. Billy then tripped on his walk home and fell off a bridge, and into the ocean. Then a shark came and swallowed him. That is why you should never kill your friends and family because it will come back and bite you. Don't be like billy

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Who was the first person Steven Hawking runs up to when he finds out something new about science? He is in a wheelchair due to a condition called ASL, therefore he cannot "run"

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There once was a man from Peru, who dreamed he swallowed his shoe. But it turns out his dream was real, and he died because he could not digest a whole shoe.

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Remember when the whole country was sad because Marget Thatcher died? No, me neither.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? 24

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Someone asked me yesterday why my friend Portier is named after a sports car... I mean, fair enough, it is a common misconception but they live in the country and her Dad drives a tractor; think it through. [L]

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Mary had a little lamb... that's what she gets for having intercourse with the farm animals.

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Q: How many years does it take for a deer to grow into a moose? A: 7

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Q: What happened when Bob the Super-mega-ultra man, in his hurry to return an item that was objectively proven to be hazardous to physically normal people, banged his head very hard against a wall of a random building that was located on his route of travel? A: He recieved a concussion and had to coalesce in bed for a long time in order to return back to his regular style of living. Bob was merely a nominal 'Super-mega-ultra' man. He gets hurt practically as easily as anyone else.

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3 men check in to a motel. They all decide to leave given the eminent danger of being the butt of a homosexual joke.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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