why did the slytherin cross the road twice? ... because they are double-crossers.

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dur dur dur dur said the child born during an earthquake

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women outside of the kitchen

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What do you get when you put white cheese in a blender and turn it on? White cheese.

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What did the stuffed animal say to the human after the human said hi? Nothing, after all stuffed animals can't talk

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A woman is walking down the street. A midget approaches her and with his keen sense of smell, informs the tall woman of her delicious scent and says, "Ma'am your hair smells lovely, may I please take a closer sniff?" Then woman obliges and the midget is arrested for alleged rape, or as he put it, trying to sniff her vagina.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

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What do you call something with no legs? A Cripple.

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What's made of wood and has an eraser? a 2x4 i lied about the eraser.

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ugh good riddance

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Where does Osama bin Laden do his shopping? He doesn't, he's dead.

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What's worse than a rainy day? Dropping the soap

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Do you want to hear a good knock knock joke? Okay, you start.

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Your mama is so stupid that she thought Brendan Fraser was a good actor.

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how do you make the president cry ?? shoot his family !!

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whats white and lives in a tree a fridge

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a man walked into a store got what he wanted and left.

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Meh, I dont want it anymore! You can have it.

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So there are 5 people on a plane the president, a movie star, and man who is on the verge of making world peace, the smartest man in the world, and the pope the piolt has a heart atack at and the plane will crash soon there are only 4 parachutes. So the first is Obama and he saysI won a Nobel piece prize and I run American see ya later and he takes the parachute next Steven hawking says sory pope Im taking this because I don't believe in God and black holes are cool so he takes the parachute and jumps out. Next Charlie Sheen says I need to entertain people and keep the drug dealers in business so he. Takes the parachute and jumps out. Then Francis turns to the hippie and says if you achive world peace it may help eliminate some poverty so you take the last paratute and jump out then the hippie says in return no its OK Steven Hawking took my back back. When they land they decide to serch for Steven's body and they find nothing. You see Steven Hawking had taken his own paratute with him and took the Hippies backpack to sell it and make some money

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A guy walks in to a bar and says "ow"

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What does a snowplow clearing an empty parking lot look like? A horse running freely in a pasture

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The original joke: "WATCH OUT FOR THAT HOLE!" "WHAT HOLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The anti joke, aka realistic edition: "WATCH OUT FOR THAT HOLE!" "WHAT YAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHH!" The ballon edition: Original: "Balloon! Watch out for that Cactus!" "What Cactussssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss..." (leaking air you slowmo) The anti-joke aka realistic version: "Balloon watch out for that pointy soda!" "What soda *pop*" Moral: None of these where the least realistic!

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Why did the boy like watching NASCAR? He didnt because he was a fish and a secret Soviet spy

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There was a baby, and it wouldnt stop crying. So the mom shook it and shook it. Then it stopped crying.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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