what did the blind deaf mute boy get for christmas? some nice presents.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house. Nock Nock. Whose there? The chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, He said 'No'. She asked him if he would want to be with her forever. He said 'no'. She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, Once again, he replied 'no'. She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said.. 'Asking emotionally charged hypothetical questions that are completely irrelevant to the prior conversation is known as fishing for compliments. Except, your tears seem to reflect a more serious inner emotional neediness. I suggest you seek a psychologist.'

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why was the little girl blowing bubbles in the swimming pool? Because she was drowning

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Milkman. Milkman who? I've been coming here for 14 years and you don't even know my name? I helped take your mother to the hospital for crying out loud! I held you in my arms as a baby! And you don't even have the decency to remember MY NAME?! I'm sorry I don't live in a house that allows milk and other groceries to be delivered, I'm sorry that I wasn't born into a nice family with a nice home! I'm sorry that I have had to come here EVERY WEEK FOR FOURTEEN YEARS and you can't even remember my NAME! My name! I left my family for christmas one year to go pick up that elmo doll for you when you were a kid! I saved you from that burning treehouse! I helped you with you're 3rd grade science fair project and you won! YOU WON! We took a picture together that i have kept in my wallet. And i proudly say here's me and timmy. ME AND TIMMY! TIMMY! But no...you don't need to know my name. Well good day sir. You shan't see me again.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why are pirates called pirates? Because it derives from the Latin word, pirata.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What do you call a Jew and a black mans offspring? A human

thumb_up thumb_down +26

what's the difference between a car and a pile of dead babies? nothing, they're both overused anti jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Which side of a chicken has more feathers? The outside.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What do you call a mexican working at Taco Bell? An intelligent young man who recently graduated from high school, but due to his family's lack of money, he cannot pay for college, which is one of the reason's why he is working. He also needs money becuase he has a child on the way, due to his poor choice of not using protection while having intoxicated relations with his girlfriend. I wish him the best of luck!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

two penguins are sitting in a bath tub. one penguin says, "hey, can you hand me the soap?" the other penguin says, "what do i look like, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Not sure, its just a really rare combination, people tell me stuff like "oh they are really bright brown" like hell they are, I mean sorry but the hell they are. I prefer it the way you say it, they are red, really really red, and you do not say it as if I had something to be ashamed off.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Ask me if I'm an orange. Are you an orange? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Three men are walking down the street to buy groceries. They then take a left and continue walking towards the store.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Three Jews walk into a bar. One says something to the other two, but it was in Yiddish, and I don't speak that, so I don't know what he said, but all of them laughed really hard, so it must have been funny.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Do you like flowers NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOW GET ME A COKE! And a pizza

thumb_up thumb_down +24

2 people with ADD are playing baseball. One of them pitches to the other guy and the other guy swings his arms around, misses, then gets hit by a baseball bat. The batter then realized he was the pitcher and the other guy has gone off chasing after a bird that just flew by.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What do you get when you put a cat in a Xerox machine? A copycat.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What do you call a man with no arms? A cripple.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Q.If you are European in the bathroom, what are you in the kitchen? A. A woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How do you stop a clown from laughing? Drive an ax through its head.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms Why couldn't she get back up? She blew up

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the man not open his door to the trick or treaters? He was a sex offender and it was illegal for him to open it...

thumb_up thumb_down +22

96

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops