Your mother is so fat. But I'm fine with it.

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how do you make a dead baby float? take your foot off its head.

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What did the blind lawyer say to the doctor? We're both lawyers!

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Why did the boy throw the clock out the window? In a desperate, but unsuccessful attempt to save his mothers life, as a serial killer pulled her into his van

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what did one picture frame say to the other? Well you could answer with hows it hanging but thats not logical because they are inanimate

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how to you kill a black man. with a weapon.

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Why is the fat kid laying on the ground crying? Because I hit him with a shovel

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Q: How many 3 go into the number 102,351? A: Yes.

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knock knock come in

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Why doesn't Michael Jackson like toast? Because he's dead.

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They decide to exchange heads. Barbie squeezes the small opening under her chin over Ken's bulging neck socket. His wide jaw line jostles atop his girlfriend's body, loosely, like one of those novelty dogs destined to gaze from the back windows of cars. The two dolls chase each other around the orange Country Camper unsure what they'll do when they're within touching distance. Ken wants to feel Barbie's toes between his lips, take off one of her legs and force his whole arm inside her. With only the vaguest suggestion of genitals, all the alluring qualities they possess as fashion dolls, up until now, have done neither of them much good. But suddenly Barbie is excited looking at her own body under the weight of Ken's face. He is part circus freak, part thwarted hermaphrodite. And she is imagining she is somebody else—maybe somebody middle class and ordinary, maybe another teenage model being caught in a scandal. The night had begun with Barbie getting angry at finding Ken's blow up doll, folded and stuffed under the couch. He was defensive and ashamed, especially about not having the breath to inflate her. But after a round of pretend-tears, Barbie and Ken vowed to try to make their relationship work. With their good memories as sustaining as good food, they listened to late-night radio talk shows, one featuring Doctor Ruth. When all else fails, just hold each other, the small sex therapist crooned. Barbie and Ken, on cue, groped in the dark, their interchangeable skin glowing, the color of Band-Aids. Then, they let themselves go— Soon Barbie was begging Ken to try on her spandex miniskirt. She showed him how to pivot as though he was on a runway. Ken begged to tie Barbie onto his yellow surfboard and spin her on the kitchen table until she grew dizzy. Anything, anything, they both said to the other's requests, their mirrored desires bubbling from the most unlikely places.

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cancer

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Spread the net.

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what is worse than finding a worm in your apple the earth exploding

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Q: Why did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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How do you kill a mocking bird? You throw an axe at it.

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Son: Dad what does it mean to f***? Dad: Jimmy! don't use that kind of language.. use the word chainsaw instead. Son: Ok, well what does it mean to chainsaw? Dad: Well as you know, God created people, he started with Adam and eve and then he- Son: You keep referring to god as a he, are you suggesting that God has a penis? I guess that would explain the big bang theory... right? get it? Dad: ... Go chainsaw yourself, Jimmy.

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A Black Guy, A Mexican, A White guy, an Indian guy, Santa Clause and The Easter Bunny Jump off a 500 foot cliff. Which one dies? The all do. But Santa dies first because of his weight and mass.

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How do dinosaurs pay their bills? They don’t, dinosaurs don’t have a capital system.

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Why wasn't the woman cooking in the kitchen? Both her hands had been cut off in a severe conveyor belt accident.

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Why did the black guy cross the road? Because he needed to get to the store across the street.

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If you stretch all your skin out in a line, you will die of blood loss or possible infection

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poo

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Whats worse than the holocaust? 2 holocausts

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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