A bear walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender knows that bears can't talk and realizes he must be dreaming. He wakes up and rolls over to tell his wife about the dream. She hears the joke, but turns away from him and pretends to be asleep. Then the bartender begins to cry. His marriage is in shambles.

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Why was the Blonde Crying? -because she had just witnessed her infant get sucked through a jet engine and was very sad.

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how do you warm someone up? you set their house on fire.

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why did the chicken not cross the road? He ran

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He still lives there.

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how many people can you eat? well, im not canniballistic, so none unless i was starving.

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If life gives you lemons, you shoud be thankful it didn't give you AIDS.

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did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and left leg? he's all right now

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Q: a blonde, a brunette, and redhead jump off a cliff, which one hits the ground first? A: Most likely the one that weighs more

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Roses are red Roses are pink Roses are yellow Roses are white

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Fine, you got me there, I have already made sure that you get your compensation, it is the least thing I can do you let me know if anyone claiming to be part of my order bothers you again, I promise I will personally enforce strict guidelines in order to ensure that such a thing never happens again. I hope you will trust me, I will no longer call it the Order of Nero, but as you know we cannot reveal the true name of our order. I also agree to meet you in person so we can further discuss this impeding situation which I will give top priority. Truth is Nero, that I used to be one of your co workers in the underground, and my attempts at saving what is left might not be as ideal as the goals we are set to achieve are, we simply cannot expect that people excel at greatness at the first go. Of course this grave incident is not even near a "mere lack of greatness" but rather a group of people that yes, sadly have rightfully claimed to be members of our society, yet I need you to come to terms that this was a huge oversight in my vision for a new and "improved" underground society, and not a intentional attack at you and your personal security. I submit to your demands, and I ask that you partake in a small number of meetings where we can all discuss and further develop the necessary guidelines required to further solidify our foundation.

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Your mom walks into a bar.

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if a dinosaurs could talk, what would they say nothing their all dead

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Q: What is green, jumps and says i'm a frog? A: A frog that talks

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You can eat a pie. You can eat a chicken. But you cannot eat a human being because that would be called cannibalism and cannibalism is a felony that can give the government a right to hold you in an international detainment facility for up to 40 years.

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9/11

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? It didn't. She was capable of loving and caring for a dog.

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Why did the pasta not taste good? Because your mom made it.

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Why did the color blind man cut the red wire and accidentally blew himself up and all the other people involved in the situation? Because he didn't know how to defuse a bomb.

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finding nemo didnt make sense how could a shark go on a no fish diet

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Your mother is so succsessfull that she can have any job she wants, she is probally going to stick with her current job though, She is a lawyer.

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what do you call a black man on the moon? Kid Cudi

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Why did the the man not take acting? He wasn't good at it.

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What do you call a black man flying an airplane? A Pilot

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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