What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating on the water? Dead.

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They say there is safety in numbers Tell that to six million jews

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What rhymes with popscicle and weighs at least 300 pounds? Your mom. I lied about the popsicle.

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What the kid with no arms get for christmas? A baseball and a glove to go through with his dad

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Why didn't the blonde go to the party? Her depression finally got the best of her and she shot herself

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what is white and black and red all over? a half eaten penguin

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What happened when the man rubbed the magical lamp? Nothing.

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How do gay guys have sex with women?? They dont, they are gay.

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terry stockton is straight

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You wanna know the funniest joke ever? Justin bieber

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Why did the girl put on make-up and perfume? Because she was ugly and smelled bad.

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a mushroom walks in to a little boys party the boy says why are u here mushroom says because im a fun-guy (fungis,fungi)

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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If shoes could talk they'd tell you that they are not willing support your weight & floors are extremely dirty.

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A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

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Why did sally break her arm? A piano fell on her

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What's the square root of 69? 8.3

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A) Knock Knock. B) Who's There? A) Me. B) Oh, well I'm in the shower, just give me five minutes. A) OK, I'll wait in the kitchen, is it cool if I heat up a hot pocket? B) Yeah sure, just not the pepperoni one, I only have one left and I was saving it for lunch. A) Alright.

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Why was the boy embarrassed when he opened his parents' bedroom door? Because he had been trying the door for several minutes until he realized he was pushing instead of pulling.

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How heavy duty are your nachos? No, because babies simply cannot swallow blenders.

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What does a paralysed mans legs feel like? We don't know, he is paralysed

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Yo mama's so fat she couldn't ride on roller coasters with you in Disney world. Sometimes you wish you could share more fond memories with her.

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Why did the gay man's ass hurt? He has rectal cancer.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Why does it matter, they can't chuck wood in the first place.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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