If life gives you lemons, don't accept them because you have a citrus allergy.

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why jews dont believe in God? Jews believe in God, its just that their god is different from ours !

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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"Hello?" "Is your refrigerator running??" "Yes..." "Oh. Well then have a nice day."

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how many moms can you fit in a bathtub? as many as you want

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Roses r red violets r blu I hav5 fingers the middle ones for u

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Q. How did the little girl fall of the swing? A.She got hit by a fridge

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eloise dey.

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Why did they monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the monkey. By darragh hamilton

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Colby is gay.... thats it

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One day, on a train. 30 white, violently, racist people where crowding a black man minding his own business. An asian person walked through and was kicked, stabbed and stomped on until he died.

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Stranger: Greetings. House-owner: No, you were supposed to say, "Knock, Knock". Stranger: Fine. Knock, knock... House-owner: Nobody's home. Stranger: These quirks are really getting on my nerve. Silly antics only serve to frustrate me. Oh, the irony!

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how do you keep a blonde busy for 7 to 8 hours. you give her m&m's and tell her to spell a word.

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a man texted his wife saying "hey sexy, how was your day?(;" unfortunately, she never replied because she got in a cr accident and died from texting while driving.

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What did the black man say to the other black man. We're both niggas.

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Q: What is harder than cleaning off baby bloodstains off a wall? A: Cleaning multiple baby blood stains off a wall.

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What did one muffin say to the other muffin... Nothing they are muffins.

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Where does lady gags buy her bran flakes ? Sainsburys

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So a duck walks into a drugstore and asks the clerk for lip balm. The clerk asks, "How will you be paying for that?" to which the duck replies, "Cash."

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A guy went to a haunted house on Friday the thirteenth… it gave him a small fright and he continued on with his day

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A hippie gets on a bus and greets the bus driver in a nice fashion Once the bus stops at his bus stop he thanks the bus driver and gets off the bus

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why did the man fall over he was a loaf of bread

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Q) How do you get 100 midgets into a Mini? A)You have to manufacture a Mini large enough to accommodate 100 midgets. It wouldn't be street-legal, but at least the problem of getting 100 midgets into a Mini is solved. Q) Did you hear about the two guys who wanted to go to Paris? A) They didn't go! Q) Why did the boy throw his Television out the window? A) Cause it was completely broken. Q. What's the difference between a duck? A. An orange. Q: What is red and smells like blue paint? A: Red paint. Q) What did the Hobo get for Xmas? A) Nothing Q) How do you get 100 midgets into a Mini? A)You have to manufacture a Mini large enough to accommodate 100 midgets. It wouldn't be street-legal, but at least the problem of getting 100 midgets into a Mini is solved. Q) Did you hear about the two guys who wanted to go to Paris? A) They didn't go! Q) Why did the boy throw his Television out the window? A) Cause it was completely broken. Q. What's the difference between a duck? A. An orange. Q: What is red and smells like blue paint? A: Red paint. Q) What did the Hobo get for Xmas? A) Nothing Q) How do you get 100 midgets into a Mini? A)You have to manufacture a Mini large enough to accommodate 100 midgets. It wouldn't be street-legal, but at least the problem of getting 100 midgets into a Mini is solved. Q) Did you hear about the two guys who wanted to go to Paris? A) They didn't go! Q) Why did the boy throw his Television out the window? A) Cause it was completely broken. Q. What's the difference between a duck? A. An orange. Q: What is red and smells like blue paint? A: Red paint. Q) What did the Hobo get for Xmas? A) Nothing Q) How do you get 100 midgets into a Mini? A)You have to manufacture a Mini large enough to accommodate 100 midgets. It wouldn't be street-legal, but at least the problem of getting 100 midgets into a Mini is solved. Q) Did you hear about the two guys who wanted to go to Paris? A) They didn't go! Q) Why did the boy throw his Television out the window? A) Cause it was completely broken. Q. What's the difference between a duck? A. An orange. Q: What is red and smells like blue paint? A: Red paint. Q) What did the Hobo get for Xmas? A) Nothing

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Knock knock Who's there? Doug I'm sorry Doug, I cannot answer the door, as I am a parrot well trained in English. But am locked in a cage.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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