If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

a priest, a rabbi, and a shaman walk into a bar. they all wish me happy birthday bearing gifts. except there's no rabbi. or priest. or shaman. I'm not in a bar. I'm in my room. alone. i spent most of my birthdays that way.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Whats better than 1 dollar? 2 dollars.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A wise man once said, "Your life is your habits." So simple yet so true. My habits include: Breathing, having my heart beat, producing brain waves, and other regulatory bodily processes.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the moon say to the sun? "I am the moon."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How did bob survive the explosion? He wasn't at the explosion.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why was young Timmy crying? Unfortunately he had a very rare but serious heart condition and he would probably die within a week.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Whats worse than breaking your toe? Being raped

thumb_up thumb_down -158

Why was the little girl screaming? She was on fire. ~G TY

thumb_up thumb_down +9

whats white, and stinks of urine? nick griffin's toliet

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did one black guy say to the other black guy? I haven't thought of it yet....

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What happens when you swallow a battery? You turn into one.

thumb_up thumb_down -103

7>6

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Why did the man float in the lake? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +80

Why don't women like to have penises? Evidently women have different tastes than men in what body parts they enjoy having.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

What kind of cat has no tail? Manx cat

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What do you get if you cross a black man with a knife? Stabbed.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A man heard a thundering sound. It was thunder.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

what's worse than one bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? the holocaust. What's worse than the holocaust? three bee stings.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

what is worse than the holocaust harry' ear acne

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why can all black people dance? I have no idea, quite frankly I find that to be a insensitve racial stereotype.

thumb_up thumb_down

Dude, you're never going to guess how stupid my friend Philip is! Really? What did he do?? Nothing. Philip will be attending the prestigious Princeton University next year and is therefore an incredibly intelligent human-being. You're an idiot for believing me.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A blond, a brunette and a redhead jump off a cliff. Which one hits the ground last? Depends on their weight and drag co-efficient.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What did the brick say to the face? Nothing bricks don't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops