What do you feel when you kill a terrorist? Recoil -USMC

thumb_up thumb_down -105

why didn't the food in your microwave warm up ? because you didn't press start.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

If Earth is a triangle, then why are trees smart? Because turtles have 4 legs

thumb_up thumb_down -102

A man decides to commit suicide and jumps from the highest building in New York, he dies instantly on impact... the day was septermber 11th 2001, either way it was the end for the man

thumb_up thumb_down -110

Whats worse than breaking your toe? Being raped

thumb_up thumb_down -157

A homeless man walks into a bar. The bartender felt bad and gave him $20.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Knock Knock Whos there? Me Me who? Oh sorry forgot you had alzheimers :/

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what do you call a dead baby in a blender? -taken care of. by: Calee^_^•

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy? Gang-rape.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

What happens when you swallow a battery? You turn into one.

thumb_up thumb_down -102

7>6

thumb_up thumb_down +105

Why did the priest kill his family? Preists can't marry, therefore have not families.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why do you almost never hear Americans complain about doing their laundry? Because they have a washing machine and they realize the majority of people in developing nations do their laundry by hand, using a wash board.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you get when you mix Fruit and Flys? Fries... or Flutes, depending on how many Flys your add.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How did bob survive the explosion? He wasn't at the explosion.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call an German with a knife in his leg ? An ambulance as he has a serious leg wound and will soon die of blood loss

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was young Timmy crying? Unfortunately he had a very rare but serious heart condition and he would probably die within a week.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the latino say when he was struck over the head with a shovel? "ouch"

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the moon say to the sun? "I am the moon."

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Wanna hear a joke? Good, go ask a comedian.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Nero, its not that, people are leaving left and right, you where right when you told me that I was holding into the remains of a rotting corpse, the underground society is dead and money alone will never bring it back, but I got the funds and you the talent, is there nothing that can be achieved? You are a lawyer, you write novels, you live a family life, you work for who the hell knows what organization, is this what you traded your, or if I may say, our legacy for? I dont suspect you Nero, I am disappointed in you, part of me wishes you where a backstabber, rather than the one that just quit.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

i just want thumbs up so i feel better about myself.....

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Roses are red, violets are blue I have Alzheimers Roses are red, violets are blue I have Alzheimers

thumb_up thumb_down +94

Why did the man float in the lake? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops