What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

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What's green and if it fell from a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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What do you call an German with a knife in his leg ? An ambulance as he has a serious leg wound and will soon die of blood loss

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How did bob survive the explosion? He wasn't at the explosion.

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Q: What did one raccoon say to the other? A: We do not know, as raccoons do not speak any human language. And no human being can understand or communicate with one.

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Why was the woman terrified of being screened by the TSA? Because she's embarrassingly obese, liked most Americans.

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A man decides to commit suicide and jumps from the highest building in New York, he dies instantly on impact... the day was septermber 11th 2001, either way it was the end for the man

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A dyslexic man walks into a bar, which happens to be holding a support group for dyslexic people tonight. The name of the bar and all patrons are palindromes to avoid confusion.

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Why do Pelicans stand on one leg? Because if they stood on none, they'd fall over.

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Why did the British boy win his talent show? Because he had straight teeth

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What do you call a mexican riding a bike? A cyclist.

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Why can all black people dance? I have no idea, quite frankly I find that to be a insensitve racial stereotype.

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What's worse then ten dead babies being nailed to a tree? Being the one to take them down.

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Starter clothing

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What happens when you swallow a battery? You turn into one.

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what's worse than one bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? the holocaust. What's worse than the holocaust? three bee stings.

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What's black and buried in my backyard? An African American, I'm a member of the Ku Klux Klan

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Why did the black man buy a gun?? He enjoys hunting legally

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"Nice pair of crocs" said nobody

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what do you call a retarded italian Niko

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After waking up at the break of dawn, a man saw his dogs food dish was empty. In slight excitement for his dog to finally eat after his dish being empty all night, he called his dog in from outside, expecting him to go straight to his food dish like always. The dog walked by without noticing.

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Did you hear about the toddler that was playing on the swing? He got abducted.

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What's yellow and smells like piss? Piss

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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