I like my coffee like my women. Without a penis.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? -death -kidney failure -gall stones -getting in an automobile accident -getting struck by lightning -getting sodomized -embezzlement -deception -HIV/AIDS -illness of any nature -world hunger -the holocaust -Zimbabwe's economy -getting hit by a train -getting hit by a bus -the hives -getting bit by an alligator -head injuries -being arrested -childhood obesity -sexual predators -highly impoverished areas -losing a finger -getting hit with a bat -corruption -general rudeness -being lost in the woods -contracting a sexually transmitted virus -teen pregnancy -murder -rape -robbery -going blind -losing a child -falling down a well -bestiality -identity fraud -massacres -racism -genocide -mental disabilities in children -bullying -food poisoning -stepping on a nail -eugenics -the mass murder, rape, and theft of the land from the Native people of America -forced assimilation -slavery -brain deteriorating illness -matricide -prostitution - accidentally repeating yourself -prostitution -domestic violence -animal cruelty -pollution -deforestation -global warming -losing your life savings -still birth -oppressive leaders -physical conflicts -world wars and other military conflict -the situation in Rwanda -Inequality in treatment of women in middle eastern countries -auto theft -tax evasion -terrorism -being diagnosed with cancer -clinical depression -prostitution -finding two worms in your apple

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Two rocks are in the playground. Nothing happens, because rocks are not sentient beings and are thus incapable of producing any sort of activity on their own.

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Person 1 What's good? Person 2 Your mom's love making

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Why did the two men kiss? Because they were both homosexual and attracted to members of the same sex.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because i was keeping his family at gun-point on the other side.

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Knock knock *runs away laughing*

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Chuck Norris died.

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Two Atheists walk into a bar. A nearby Christian notices this fact and proceeds to slightly preach to both of the Atheists. They then kindly explain that they don't personally believe in God, but respect the Christian's opinion. They all order drinks, and become very close friends, engaging in a long, hateless conversation.

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What did they farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where is my tractor?

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whats worse than a paper cut? 2012

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What's the difference between Justin Bieber and a gay guy? They're both gay

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An owl turns to the other owl. He has to, he can't move his eyes.

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I've got a shotgun with two bullets. I've got two enemies. What do I do with the gun? Go bird hunting.

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What does a black man, an Asian Man, and a Jewish Man have in common? They are all men.

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Why do black people sit so far back in their seats? Because they're used to sitting in the back of the bus

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How are Steve Jobs and The iPhone the same? They got progressively thinner over time.

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Why do they call it a clock radio?... because it's both.

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Why didn't the monkey fall out of the tree when someone threw a refrigerator at it? Because it was already lying on the floor dying of AIDS.

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-Knock Knock -Who's there? -Traveling Salesman.

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Your mom is so fat that she is fat.

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What did the man do after he took a bite of his pie? Chew. After that? Swallow. Then? Repeat.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Frost bite.

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Obamacare haters

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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