Two nuns walk into a bar. There is a monkey between them, that they are both holding hands with. The bartender looks to them, and says "Hello sisters, I am sorry, but we do not allow wild animals into the bar. He's gonna have to wait outside," to which one of the nuns responds, "Oh, do not worry, this is no monkey, this is one of our sisters." The bartender is very confused. He chuckles, and says "Alright, well then your sister is going to have to wait outside." The sisters look at each other confusedly, but take the monkey outside, put it on a leash, and tie it to a pole. They proceed back inside, have a few drinks, and leave. The next night, the bar is a little more crowded. The bartender looks up and sees the two nuns entering. He checks to make sure there is no monkey with them, and there is not, so he goes back to serving drinks. A few minutes later, the two nuns are at the front of the bar ready to order drinks. The bartender smiles at them, "No monkey this time?" he asks. "Not tonight," says one of the nuns. "Alright," says the bartender, "what can I get you?" "I'll take a double bourbon," says one of the nuns. "I'll have a gin and tonic, and she'll have the same" says the other nun, motioning to a rhinoceros on her left. "What the fuck!!" yells the bartender. "How did you get this inside?! Where did you even get a rhinoceros?" He realizes these questions are unimportant, and runs to call animal control. By the time he turns around, however, the rhinoceros is gone. He goes to talk to the bouncer. "Dude, why do you keep letting in wild animals?" asks the bartender. "The hell are you talking about?" asks the bouncer. "Last night, two nuns walked in with a monkey, and tonight they somehow got a rhino past you. You didn't see that??" the bartender snaps. "Three nuns came in last night, and three came in tonight. No monkey, no rhino," the bouncer tells him. Meanwhile, as they walked home to the convent, one of the nuns says "Man, I haven't been drunk in weeks." One of the other nuns turns to her and says, "Well, maybe you should stop turning into an animal every time we get into a bar."

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the seal get confused when a spider tried to high five him? Because spiders have eight legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A man walked into a bar. It hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Albert and Hunter, Forever in love < 3

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A duck waddles into a bar. He orders a drink and promtly drinks it vecause he has had a hard day at work.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Ask me if I'm a truck. Are you a truck? You have HIV.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

what did eminem say to dr.dre? nothing u idoits dr.dres dead he is locked in my basement

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What did the passive-aggressive woman do to her husband? She killed him. As it turns out, the slight passive-aggressive behavior she was showing was actually an early warning sign of a dangerous sociopathic mental disorder. The authorities are looking for her as we speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the chicken cross the road? Due the limited cognitive ability and a lack of critical thinking skills, the chicken mistakenly ventured across the road in search of grain. Luckily the chicken was not injured on this occasion, however other chickens may not be so lucky in the future.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call all of the skin around the vagina? a women

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and asked Jill if she wanna. Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and had a little fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why cant Roger drive a tractor? Because Roger is a goldfish.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why couldn't the moose find a good hotel for the night? A moose wouldn't have any currency available and quite frankly, no one would let him in.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

When the clock strikes the bell at elephantasourous during my erectionn i screw myself CC

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What does the Jewish man and the Atheist have in common? They both believe in a god. Except the Atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How do you keep an extraordinary magician from performing his show? Replace his shampoo with battery acid

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Women's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Whats worse than getting knocked up? Finding out your Mother is a drugy living on the side of the road and your Dad is an acholic who diesnt care about you and realizes you might turn out the same way.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Q:Why couldn't the baby walk down the hall way? A: It had a javelin stuck in its head.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

People with the best sense of humor visit anti-joke.com.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call it because it isn't coming.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Someone threw a fridge at her...

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why couldn't the man speak any English? Because not everyone can.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops