What did the kettle say to the pot? Nothing, inanimate objects can't talk.

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What do you call two homosexuals in fancy hats? It depends, you have to ask their names first.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I own a lawn mower Can you swim?

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Why did the man walk into a bar? I don't know? Ask him. by Burflared

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What did the priest get for Christmas? Herpes

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what do a midget and a dwarf have in common? they both die by the age of 25 due to genetic failures.

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Dumb jokes, now shut up.

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How are you supposed to breath with no air? um jorden sparks you dont?

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why cant blondes water ski.......... because whenever they split their legs they feel somthing wet

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MICHAEL

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why don't you make like a tree. and get out of here

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How do you kill a blonde? lightsabre to the throat should do it

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Want to see a funny movie? -Watch Schindler's List

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How many atheists does it take to change a lightbulb? One.

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Q: Why did the horse put on cologne? A: He wanted to smell nice.

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R2-D2 is quite possibly the most vulgar character on the set of Star Wars. Every word he says is bleeped out.

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I hate being bipolar, it's so awesome.

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Why did Chuck Norris go to Chuck E Cheeses? Because his friend wanted to go.

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What do you get when you cross a lion with a rhinoceros? A trip to the hospital and animal cruelty charges.

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Why did Doris fall down the stairs? Because she was a stupid, uncoordinated old hag with no control over her bladder.

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Q.What is the bigest lie in the universe? A. I have read and agree the the Terms of Service.

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*ring ring ring* hello? This is a robbery... Dum dum dum.... (hangs up) *beep beep beep*

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Chuck Norris will die sometime in the future.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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