How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Drop a brick on her face.

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What did Steven Hawking say to God after he died? Nothing. He can't talk.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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Wanna hear a joke? No.

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A mute says to a paraplegic: You can talk the talk - but can you walk the walk?

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Why did Rose throw the clock out the window? Because she's a moron.

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Q: What happens when you throw a green rock in the Red Sea? A: It gets wet.

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What is a bear's favorite televison show? It doesnt have one because it is a bear which makes watching television an illogical fallacy.

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What did the apple tree say to the farmer? Well! since trees nor apples have the ability to talk I would say the apple tree said nothing. And if the farmer thinks it did say something he should visit the doctors to check his hearing. The End.

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Wanna hear a joke? The 19th amendment

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Roses are blue, Roses are red. Give me your money, Or I'll cut off your head.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was infamous for stealing people's laundry, and 6 was insecure about his bare body

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An English man, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They each buy a pint and talk about their day.

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GONNA

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Why couldn't the 14 year old find a date? Because he had a speech impediment and girls avoided him usually.

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Why did Dave not hug his wife? Because she looked horrifying from the Iraq war.

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I'm so hungry, I could eat an adequately sized meal

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your momma is so stupid she failed math class

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whats the differnce between a baby and a dart board? dart boards dont bleed.

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whats worse than a worm in a rotten apple? 2 worms in a rotten apple. whats worse than 2 worms in a rotten apple? 3 worms in a rotten apple. whats worse than 3 worms in a rotten apple? the haulocaust. whats worse than the haulocaust? 4 worms in a rotten apple. wait wait...that was rascist,nevermind this joke.

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Whats worse than HIV? AIDS

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women's lacrosse.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a black person? Black people are good at running.

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Roses are red Violets r blue My name is Dave Microwave

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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