What did the drug addict get for Christmas? He got hepatitis, fired from his job, and nothing from his family because their relationship was badly damaged by his addiction.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why wasn't Pat able to get an erection? Because Pat is a girl.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why was the man running from the cops? His car broke down.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A man walks into a car dealership. The salesman was nice and he bought a Mercedes.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

yo mama's so sexy... wait, thats not how it goes

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you call a bus full of lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A tragedy

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What does D.N.A. stand for? Deoxyribonucleic Acid

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did Jesus say to the Easter Rabbit? Nothing, it ran off before he could say anything. They're so skiddish, those pesky rabbits...

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock knock! Who's there? Boo. Oh hey man, you got the meth?

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Did you see the blind man get hit by a car? Neither did he.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the blonde cross the road? Because she was stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A man. That is all.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

oops

thumb_up thumb_down +9

everyone's always talking about the emperor's clothes, don't they know this is murica

thumb_up thumb_down +9

what do you call a black guy in a house? a burglar

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why don't you have a seat, over there?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, Cheese on toast.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

When I'm through with you... They will never find your body... And even if they did... All they find would be teeth!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Scenario: 2 guys with big feet and a camels Anus are hiking on Mount Everest with a set of elephants dildos Man 1: what's the difference between a Volkswagen and a clock? Man 2: what? Man 1: you can't toboggan of a green house roof with a tub of Vaseline and a ostrich party on lady gaga's Anus

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A woman goes to the hospital to receive an ultra-sound after taking a pregnancy test a few weeks before. The doctor comes out and says "Congratulations Susanne would you like to know the results? Susanne says "No thank you." Then, the doctor says "Good, because its actually a retarded baby that we found."

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Bob: What's gucci bro Tim: Is that a company?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Your computer will self - destruct in 5 seconds

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops